Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
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Top comments
michaelaranda 28
Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.
TaiReiSi 12
I'm really trying not to think of what she did...
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Comments (121)
Rexor 9
"How many times can you be tased in the balls before you can't have kids. Do you know?"
PizzaDeliveryGrl 19
There was a cracked article on this, I advise that you show it to her and make it VERY CLEAR that these are myths.
LisaDay 14
im curious what she did. and i never knew people actually took cosmo seriously. its a bunch of garbage. i never bought it, but i read one their sex tips articles and i felt physical pain that i imagine any man whos girl took it seriously would be feeling, if not worse.
asereth 4
Rule #1 about Cosmo, don't do anything they say. Their "sex tips" have hospitalized people.
Raging_hamster 5
There was a "tip" I once read saying to poke his thighs with a fork. No lie.
Amanyyyyyy 29
Sexy :P
xebi 4
Cosmo is incredibly misogynistic and encourages women to hate themselves and their bodies and to be passive-aggressive douchebags. Their sex tips have convinced me that they also hate men. I don't get why they don't do research rather than ask ONE man what he likes and assuming they're all the same.
ChicKenza 4
Lmao you called them trolls
DaisyDanger 7
She needs a smack for reading Cosmo! My friend reads them like I read Stephen King novels and she is always telling me that 'according to Cosmo'... My relationship is doomed because my boyfriend farts around me etc. #1 farting is hilarious, #2. We are rednecks, we both do it a lot.... And loudly!
JazNim17 18
Funny, my dad always told me that "if a man will fart in front of you, he loves you." Of course, he was being silly, but it's true in a way. I don't know what cosmo has against a man being able to be comfortable with his girlfriend.
fantasyworld 39
He's right in a way. If he's comfortable around you he can fart and neither of you will care.
darkfireflame 15
"How to turn your boyfriend on in the bedroom: Stomp on his nuts! Guys love that! Next month we show you how to find out if he's cheating on you!"
WeskersSexslave 15
What was the tip?