Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
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Top comments
michaelaranda 28
Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.
TaiReiSi 12
I'm really trying not to think of what she did...
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Comments (121)
conaidws 7
At least she is willing to try new things. Time heals. Hope you're not too wrecked. That's gotta hurt.
mybubbles2000 13
That movie Idiocracy comes into mind after reading your post.
conaidws 7
Cosmo....Destroying man one d#@k at a time.
AllTimeLowSally 6
There isn't anything wrong with Cosmo, and I thoroughly enjoy reading it. And like webMD, it's how you interpret what you read, not what is written. Whether the words are true or not can be different to each individual.
MadmanOZ 10
how?
Razell 13
I'm pretty sure that if I were a guy, it would be a huge red flag if the girl I were interested in read Cosmo. ...That might even be dealbreaker, dump-her-now territory.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
You should write Cosmo an angry letter of complaint. Maybe you can get a refund on the cost of the subscription or magazine she bought. You know... Consumers law.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
If that applies in Puerto Rico.
kawaiichick 9
This is beyond S & M. Ouch!
Samantha_Elaine 7
At least she was showing initiative to spice things up. Sorry about your balls though :(
Shopduster 9
Props for letting her do it!
MadmanOZ 10
but do what? something that breaks a guys balls???