Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
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Top comments
michaelaranda 28
Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.
TaiReiSi 12
I'm really trying not to think of what she did...
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Comments (121)
WhatsYOURname6 25
Anyone else dying to know what the hell she did?!
buckdharma 38
Get the current issue of Popular Mechanics and rebuild them. :)
Kergami 18
Anyone else think this needs a HUGE follow-up?
thomcmoore 23
I'd settle for a normal sized follow up.
mosquito19 14
what? you don't like getting your balls slapped?
FrankHotpants 31
You ever think maybe these magazines purposely give bad advice to ensure women stay single and continue to buy their magazines.
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Love the apt name you used. Wish there was a button for that on this one. Anyway, hope they feel better soon. If not, a visit to the Dr. would be a good idea.
avidreader121 7
Lots and lots of ice my friend.
doglover100 29
I'm sure they make up the majority of the quotes.
vikky538 29
only your balls could explain the pain they have gone through...
martin8337 36
A follow-up is needed here.