Kids: Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud...

By Anonymous - 30/05/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 419

You deserved it 6 794

Kids

This Charming Man

The mainframe had been haxored

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 976

You deserved it 108 807

By pissed_off_girl - 01/04/2013 02:59 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 588

You deserved it 3 224

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 971

You deserved it 581

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 406

By nomorecookies - 06/08/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 561

You deserved it 3 806

By stanky - 22/04/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 711

You deserved it 5 801

By anonbob - 08/07/2011 01:28 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 320

You deserved it 3 207

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 13:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 526

You deserved it 4 285

By robthebuilder - 26/10/2010 06:35 - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 734

You deserved it 2 455

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 569

You deserved it 2 360

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 7 997

By StabStab - 11/01/2015 13:03 - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 272

You deserved it 2 952

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 2 926

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - 11/07/2015 03:49 - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 842

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 619

You deserved it 3 118

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 657

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 19:02 - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 394

You deserved it 1 852

By Idiot32 - 25/05/2019 02:00

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 2 547

By confused - 25/01/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 2 956

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 168

By bender - 10/02/2010 05:03 - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 217

You deserved it 7 719

By 20lbknockout - 20/10/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 026

You deserved it 3 524

By don't cry over spilled milk - 23/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 162

You deserved it 1 410

By weak - 23/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 314

You deserved it 22 526

By mywillyisdisappointed - 05/12/2015 01:57 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 692

You deserved it 3 379

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 197

You deserved it 7 334

Drama queen

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 01:58

Today, I found out that the woman I could fall in love with is dating a friend of mine. I think I will end up alone, and die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 286

By magicman - 04/07/2012 09:04 - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 132

You deserved it 31 349

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 08:01

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 82

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 671

You deserved it 73 928

By Blackshadows - 07/09/2015 18:08 - United States - Somerset

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 878

You deserved it 8 351

By offtothejobcentre - 31/12/2012 22:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 381

You deserved it 25 059

By Dopeydancer - 08/09/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 146

You deserved it 13 023

By doughgirl101 - 07/09/2011 05:59 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 693

You deserved it 2 379

By dragonstooth257 - 20/08/2018 15:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 715

By Sally19863 - 30/08/2010 16:18 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 3 054

By masterdisaster - 11/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 702

You deserved it 19 476

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 10:57 - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 215

You deserved it 4 736

Awkward

By rawrrrr - 17/03/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 29 405

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Top comments

cherries62212 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:11

Be happy it was there for a second!:)

TheComedyAudio 29

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:16

At least he said it. Some dads don't come home

cherries62212 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:11

Be happy it was there for a second!:)

ThatOneGuy719 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:21

It was there for a second aaaaand now it's gone

flashback.miss 28

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

what motivated him to say he's proud of you but to snatch that back when you're moved to tears? Perhaps retort that you pick his home...?

JJ_V3N0M 19

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

Just remember this day by heart OP.

Paco_el_Taco 17

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

Way to blow it.

ycrem0n 21

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:15

Troll Dad Strikes!

TheComedyAudio 29

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:16

At least he said it. Some dads don't come home

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Sunday 1 June 2014 14:44

"My mom's at the grocery store and my dad left to get scratchers. I guess he won, 'cause that was six years ago..." (Iron Man 3)

superwholock99 1

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Friday 6 June 2014 4:46

"Dad's on a hunting trip and hasn't been back in a few days"

Kamon97 23

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:19

We'll keep doing whatever you did that made him proud in the first place :)

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:22

So much for daddy's little girl.

trashcan_man 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:23

People like OPs dad piss me off. Kindness is only given as an opportunity to screw you later.

harrison99 4

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:23

I'll just invest this money aaaaand it's gone! I'm sorry about that but I couldn't help to think about South Park

HeatherFeatherB 31

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Saturday 31 May 2014 5:27

Don't worry, that's exactly what I was thinking, too.

LostInTheZone11 28

Saturday 31 May 2014 5:50

This line is for people with money. Please step aside.

Crofty92 17

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Saturday 31 May 2014 11:58

Excuse me boys we need to borrow your squirrels.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 743

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 918

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

Death at one's elbow

Drama queen

This Charming Man

Awkward

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