Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
charvisioku 22
What kind of relationship is it if you can't just say "That's shaving cream"? If that had happened to me and my boyfriend we'd have been in stitches about it. I can't believe you licked shaving cream off her... can't decide if it's cute that you're trying so hard to be nice, or if it's just plain hilarious that anyone would do that for the sake of not just saying "Oh shit, wrong substance"... xD
Silver_89 9
That is exactly what I was thinking. I mean, can't eating that stuff make you seriously ill? Nice gesture but he should have said no and suggested taking a shower together or something.
Mads_1234 28
Did you tell her it was shaving cream? You could've just taken a shower together.
SoylentCandycorn 10
I don't know about you, but I don't think any sex is worth having to ring poison control afterwards.
fischerxx 10
You both are idiots
Tones217 9
"Today, my boyfriend died after eating shaving cream off me. FML"
DaniLex 6
I'm sorry but you couldn't man up and be like "hell no get dressed and go get some whipped cream!"
mcar 13
The point is to eat something sweet not something that resembles cream hahaha.
fordneagles 34
Heaven forbid you just TELL her what a stupid thing she's done...
sneeze_watch 19
What the hell did I just read? Lord, these people are just getting dumber and dumber.
paintedchocolate 30
Pussywhipped much?