Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
lainzilla 14
ydi for ... doing it anyway. seriously.
perdix 31
Instead of pointing out your girlfriend's sickening error, you meekly decided to quietly suck it up (pun intended) and proceed as if everything was OK. No wonder your relationship lacked intimacy, you have no balls!
K92 13
Or common sense
JJ_Rokk 10
Or whipped cream
Chrisuh 29
what the hell? I don't even know, which is worse, either expecting someone to lick shaving cream or to actually do it...
2ru 14
Dude this is bad math. Months without intimacy + You licking shaving cream off of her = RUN LIKE HELL Next when there is an eclipse and you both have sex try using dish detergent for lube. You deserve it!!!!
Eluveitie 9
Stop.
illmatic2 16
Are you sure you didn't just walk in on her shaving her whole body?
cappellaaa 23
wow she's on a whole new level of dumb. good luck with that haha
hiandrews69 29
op, I think you deserve this one. Not because your girlfriend is an idiot, but because you chose to solve the problem by licking it off of her. Instead of you know... taking a shower together? That probably would have been hotter anyways.
SuperDanielNL 23
You could have ran to the store and bought some. Of were the few minutes of waiting to long for you?
landon_loe11 16
The fact that you actually did it surprises me.
praetor_fml 3
You still got laid, right?
DrShrug 3
No, he just ate shaving cream off of her naked body, even though it instigated his vomit reflex, to see if it tasted even remotely similar to cool whip.