Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
Satoaoi 13
what that one person said. your very caring but that's not healthy. if you threw up it would be her fault not yours
twiztedone 19
That's what you get for actually doing it! I don't know what shaving cream you have but mine says not to ingest plus common sense would tell you not to!
dan_in_wi 12
why the **** would you continue? both of your IQ's must be lower than the level of Window lickers?
KiddNYC1O 22
You did that for her? She better redneckonize!
icepick23 12
You are a coward--next time, just thank her for her effort & run to the store for whipped cream whilst she showers the shaving cream away.
LoveMusicLoud 12
Idk why but I broke into a fit of giggles imagining OP trying to lick it off in a "polite fashion" while hiding the looks of torment on his face
tidwellj 10
Shoulda bought whipped cream before then
GhostChickens 17
I'm imagining your girlfriend as some kind of shaving cream yeti and you as a polite gentleman with a top hat and monocle.
spikekutter 9
this kind of turned me on in a weird tasting kind of way..
benhemon 4
A complete and total lack of communication is obviously the way to a good sex life...