Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
yeti37 16
Maybe she wanted a full body shave. **** star smooth.
K92 13
A shave without a razor? Hmm
Joe9024 20
He must have a sharp tongue 15
K92 13
Lol you never know
Trickiest_K 9
Did you atleast take the Gillette down there with you?
redmnky21 8
your an idiot...
WearingHats 14
Ah sweet, sweet irony.
HOTSHOT99999 2
You're the idiot.
Jordath_Fil 11
Nu-uh! You're an idiot!! XP
Omfgitsmia 15
That's stupid. Couldn't have been too bad if you did it.
K92 13
How did OP not end up sick after eating shaving cream?
ApologyKick 25
Honestly, if it was enough to cover her whole body I would probably get sick from eating that much whipped cream too. Your quite the trooper OP your now one of my relationship role models.
yresim 12
I hope you're being sarcastic, 56. A more intelligent, mature, caring, and confident person would have found a polite way to explain to her that eating shaving cream is dangerous, and offered to go buy some whipped cream and/or take a shower together. There is nothing romantic about co-dependent stupidity.
ophel1a 7
121 - AMEN
wlddog 14
I am constantly amazed at the progress of stupid people. They seem able to tolerate so much.
OhhhMaryy 12
Omg that's so sweet, if you would do that just so you guys can be cool then you're an excellent boyfriend. She lucky, just make sure the shaving cream is non toxic.
K92 13
He's not sweet he's stupid lol. He could've suggested going out and buying some whipped cream. Who eats shaving cream?
OhhhMaryy 12
lol true, but if my boyfriend did that just so I wouldn't feel stupid, id give it to him all day. they should've bought some though
charvisioku 22
If my boyfriend did that, I'd seriously question what I was doing to make him feel that he couldn't just be honest with me so we could have a laugh about the whole situation.
unlifeoftheparty 10
Shaving cream IS toxic, hence the warning label on every bottle...dumb people. ..
surrealJC 4
let's makeout
LunaticsWisdom 2
Sounds like she's the male in your relationship
xxmollyxx 25
Yeah, usually it's the women who lick shaving cream off their boyfriends' naked bodies, right?
Ali_Br_fml 33
Omg, I can't believe you didn't just use some other food... Shaving cream? That's not spicing up anything for you op! For her, maybe... For you? Not... She was being kinda inconsiderate, especially since SHE put it on to spice it up a little. Did SHE lick any off you???
Enslaved 38
Should have shaved her instead. That could have been a big turn on too! :P
empath 20
Im sorry OP, but I'm assuming she's fine with the lack of intimacy, and hopes to keep it that way. Why else would she have you take one for the cream?