Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
picturescrazy 24
Had? There is no "had" in a situation like that. Flat out refuse, you don't "have" to do anything.
alexscarlatti 5
Ok, I really cannot see a point in a relationship where there is no intimacy for few months. And second, not trying to insult anyone, but her idea is extremely stupid, she should know that you are NOT supposed to eat that. As for him, there is a lot of nice ways to tell her that it's not a good idea, maybe talk to her about intimacy problems. It seems to me like she's the boss in that relationship. Get some integrity.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#163 > You cannot see the point of a relationship without intimacy for a few months? Are you coming from planet Jersey Shore or what? Lots of couples go through dry spells for a lot of different reasons. Being an adult means that you try to go through these times by communicating, if there is a serious issue that cannot be solved, then you move on. Sex is an important part of a relationship but is not everything. Grow up.
little_red13 6
Coulda used honey op
birds_fml 7
Are you stupid? Is your girlfriend stupid? Seeing as she thought you'd lick off a non-food substance, and you actually did it, we can only assume you both are, and you're made for each other. YDI.
misspennycakes 7
Your girlfriend is a real ******* idiot
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
A+ for effort, man.
Nilorak 24
First
Jaevwyn 17
Rub your face around her and whip out a razor for a quick shave job, silly response for a silly idea :D
graphicstyle7 17
Months with no intimacy, then SHAVING CREAM? Wow, I think; 1. You're not married, leave. 2. She's either very stupid and has a low libido, or she's inconsiderate and cheating. Either way, dump her unless there's some really compelling reason to stay.
DeBoss 8
What we do for love.......