Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Top comments
superpoptart 24
You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.
K92 13
Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?
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Comments (200)
EvilUndead 9
If you don't enjoy it, you shouldn't do it. When it comes to sex, BOTH partners should enjoy whatever they're doing.
bluevayero 42
doesn't matter. had sex
RedPillSucks 33
I'm sure that will look great on OPs headstone
klovemachine 24
(chiseling headstone)
katties 27
Isn't it toxic at all? Your girlfriend is one dumb bitch... You should also have tried to figure out something else you two could use.
perdix 31
My girlfriend demanded some oral, Had me put my mouth to her clit. I thought she'd come like a banshee, But, down there, she tasted like . . . Sssssshhhhhhh. . . aving cream Be nice and clean Shave everyday And you'll always look keen!
perdix 31
I guess there are no more Dr. Demento fans around anymore. Or, they are too old to know how to use the thumbs-up and reply features of this new-fangled World Wide Web site on their personal, digital, electronic computers.
lettuceGO81 12
heh, it's no "eating people is wrong" ;)
MidnaLink 35
Here's a good thought; buy some, dumbasses!
Shadow_Phantom 26
The lack of IQ in people amazes me sometimes... (Her, not you.)
DrShrug 3
Sounds like an azn grl... I've known a lot of ditsy Asian women.
TechFire 25
Casual racism? Must be the internet.
misshex 10
Doesn't matter, had sex?
klovemachine 24
Somebody beat you to it :-O
inumiko 12
Omg. Poor you! Syrup or anything else could have been used, something actually EDIBLE!
ottobeals 5
At least she was trying? :s