bad karma
United States
Candy Andy
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Fatass
Knoxville, United States
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
BrokeAndHungry
Ann Arbor, United States
Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML
Timmy
France
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
love you too mommy
Brentwood, United States
Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
What ARE you doing?
Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML
dannij08
United States
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
Bigmouth strikes again
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
sierra
The sleepwalkers are at it again!
Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML
ilovekids?
Commack, United States
Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML
nocat6
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Northville, United States
Sneaky
Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML
Top comments
TipOfTheHat 10
It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!
xxcreativedreame 5
Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.
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Comments (230)
Symmetry88 0
Well that sure as hell wouldn't fill you up! Go apologize to the kid! Asshole
poppaof6 0
Eh, that's why the expression was made. Because it's easy. They don't chase you, they can't tell on you, and if you wait long enough, thier parents will give them another piece of candy for you to steal.
ChaosAngel17 14
There's not enough words to describe how much of a ass you are.
13FTW 9
Sure there are! OP is a ******* cheap ass bitch. Explains it pretty well if I do say so myself.
sheethapins 13
I got some! Douche Asshole Jerk Cheap ass Degenerate Slob Fatass Scum Moron Creep Loser Filth Waste of flesh Stupid Mean ass Worthless Cruel Consciousless Greedy Ingrate The list goes on and on...
samwhambam 3
an* ass
My_Nightmare 19
I'm pretty sure you're going to Hell. . .
tylersign 11
What are you, the ******* Grinch?
wolves5657 4
dude. seriously? you can get that hungry, yet somehow you have a way to access the Internet?
Joey44 15
Stealing wi-fi from someone else's router? Or maybe OP is just really really ******* greedy.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Being starving doesn't mean you don't have friends who do have internet access to let you post the story later, or that you can't use the free computers in the library, or even that this didn't happen specifically TODAY, but rather in the past, when she might as well have not had internet access.
Liimitless 6
Oh the irony.
MerkathonPro 0
Sadly, that was the baby who lives next door in you apartment complex.
FaraPjJammaz 13
Way to be a jerk!
chewyyy33 0
Wow, asshole. FML should be coming from the baby's mouth.