Miscellaneous: Basted High School - FML

Basted High School

By RoastedbyNature - 21/05/2017 22:00

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 427

You deserved it 384

Walk the line

Mama's boy

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By zaktor - 08/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my fundraising job, I got my biggest donation ever: $500. I accidentally added a zero and charged the donor $5000. What I got: an angry phone call and a lecture from my boss. What I didn't get: a donation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 3 538

By seriously - 02/10/2010 20:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 744

You deserved it 4 403

By cchandler - 23/09/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 257

You deserved it 8 019

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 03/07/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 518

You deserved it 4 661

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - 05/01/2018 05:00

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 456

You deserved it 849

Slow

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58

Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am. But admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 78

By Anna L. - 25/03/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 6 546

By Ellwood - 22/04/2013 00:27 - United States

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 004

You deserved it 3 379

By Alicia - 13/05/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 751

You deserved it 11 327

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 78

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 6 420

By Justmyluck - 15/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I need to check something down there.” I asked what but he just smiled and showed me the piece of gum he was chewing. He took a look and left to get the scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 818

You deserved it 855

By SaraSkyWolf - 17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 767

You deserved it 1 255

By apparentlyhesbusy - 23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 2 860

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 056

You deserved it 6 032

By BrokeAndSad - 30/03/2015 01:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 419

You deserved it 2 585

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 841

You deserved it 4 534

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 050

You deserved it 56 106

By Anonymous - 02/04/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 562

You deserved it 3 388

Dishwasher issues

By 3Airwalk3 - 16/02/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 968

You deserved it 36 059

By makeuuuuup - 21/02/2010 01:52 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278

You deserved it 5 037

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 15:54 - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 247

You deserved it 3 711

By WhiteLiar - 04/03/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 2 728

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 8 813

By pissedoffexgirlfriend - 15/02/2018 06:00

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 561

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 95

By Stuck - 15/07/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 732

You deserved it 14 354

By oppafucktardstyle - 14/10/2012 20:36 - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 408

You deserved it 1 612

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 09:15 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 2 307

By birthday_loser - 23/01/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 272

You deserved it 3 741

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 077

You deserved it 3 757

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 02:01

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 146

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 168

By um... maybe - 12/03/2013 22:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 854

You deserved it 5 001

By Failed Artist - 30/08/2015 04:49 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 897

You deserved it 1 720

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 566

You deserved it 2 912

By Queenie - 26/12/2018 14:00

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714

You deserved it 176

By swirkishly - 24/11/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 909

You deserved it 9 990

Wrong number

By Lovesickgal - 26/11/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 600

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 21 May 2017 23:01

You should have refused due to health and safety in schools or ask permission to go buy sunscreen.

leagacysgirl 19

Send a private message

Sunday 21 May 2017 22:32

Why 4 hours??? You get in line, you sit down, you stand up and get diploma, sit back down, cheer, then celebrate.

Comments

leagacysgirl 19

Send a private message

Sunday 21 May 2017 22:32

Why 4 hours??? You get in line, you sit down, you stand up and get diploma, sit back down, cheer, then celebrate.

mariri9206 32

Sunday 21 May 2017 22:38

Clearly, you've never been to a graduation or even a graduation practice. Both take hours because you have to go through all the students- thousands of them.

chessu 21

Sunday 21 May 2017 23:21

We didn't have to do a rehearsal as it is quite straightforward, but my ceremony was definitely around 3 hours! Walking in, speeches, 120 students have to walk to stage, some have extra diplomas that are read out, another speech, a song etc. The rehearsal is likely to take longer because they're still sorting out the what-s and the when-s and the how-s

Suaria 37

Monday 22 May 2017 9:22

We practiced for middle school graduation for a week. The person coordinating graduation wanted all of us with our partners to walk in sync.

Send a private message

Sunday 21 May 2017 23:01

You should have refused due to health and safety in schools or ask permission to go buy sunscreen.

Send a private message

Monday 22 May 2017 2:53

Why would you need practice for graduation? How complicated is walk straight, collect paper?

Send a private message

Monday 22 May 2017 6:05

Think of it as rehearsal for a play. There's your answer. You're welcome.

Oh_No_Not_Him 25

Send a private message

Monday 22 May 2017 11:57

That will make for an a-peeling photo!

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 May 2017 15:19

Atleast y'all have a graduation. ?

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 July 2018 22:27

oh come on. 4 hours? and really being outside isn't usually so traumatic for people. get over it.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 121

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295