Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I... - FML

By Electric Eddy - 22/5/2017 00:00

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4137

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Workaholic

They're everywhere

By Theresa - 10/10/2020 17:01

Man's best friend

Today, at my daughter's soccer game, my nephew's dog helped herself to the Snowball I was eating, leaving fur on the side she didn't lick and left it unsalvageable. She peed on the blanket I was sitting on, tried to bite another kid, and went on to pop my kid's soccer ball that she'd used twice since I purchased it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

885

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By not getting laid - 13/10/2013 14:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24024

You deserved it

90560

Tweet

Share

By dumpedtaco - 18/2/2018 19:00

Today, as I was planning my impending nuptials with my fiancé, my sister jokingly told him it's not too late to call it off. He took her seriously and bailed. He won’t answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4757

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 27/11/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25158

You deserved it

7512

Tweet

Share

By Divorce? - 29/7/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3930

You deserved it

568

Tweet

Share

By ktwithaq - 18/10/2010 11:27 - United States

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28691

You deserved it

5344

Tweet

Share

By Spotted - 18/2/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50193

You deserved it

3932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 20:00

Secret life

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By t2t2sync - 3/8/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, while leaving work, I noticed a woman struggling with her wheelchair. Trying to be kind, I grabbed the handles and began to push her. A few moments later, the front wheels caught on something and I ended up dumping her onto the ground. Now my coworkers all think I'm a huge douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35435

You deserved it

5672

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 15:02 - Estonia

I don't wanna

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

901

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 21:40 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22637

You deserved it

48744

Tweet

Share

By Embarassed - 24/8/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33034

You deserved it

5796

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35909

You deserved it

2496

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17983

You deserved it

97278

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 17:00

He'll understand when he's older

Today, I was reading one of the numerous Thomas the Tank Engine books to my 3-year-old, train obsessed, nanny kid. They needed tinder to relight Thomas's firebox. I laughed when reading this and told him, "I have Tinder too!" He's convinced I'm a train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

509

You deserved it

1520

Tweet

Share

By Carmen - 11/4/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67711

You deserved it

5592

Tweet

Share

By smellyhair - 2/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39986

You deserved it

3819

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 12/3/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156793

You deserved it

17957

Tweet

Share

By jennahh - 10/7/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2038

You deserved it

935

Tweet

Share

By gymbob - 6/5/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12749

You deserved it

103178

Tweet

Share

By jpmetz - 26/9/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28701

You deserved it

5993

Tweet

Share

By mazzer - 4/1/2012 02:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26924

You deserved it

2246

Tweet

Share

By creepedoutmom - 17/5/2015 16:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32488

You deserved it

3164

Tweet

Share

By no selfie for me - 16/4/2013 04:08 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31876

You deserved it

59192

Tweet

Share

By Keastwood013 - 18/1/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40665

You deserved it

4133

Tweet

Share

By thatssickkk - 17/2/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27371

You deserved it

2695

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/7/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27058

You deserved it

75500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4229

You deserved it

1007

Tweet

Share

By tellingthetruth - 21/3/2012 16:25 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31097

You deserved it

14086

Tweet

Share

By Weak Disposition - 27/4/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9271

You deserved it

29471

Tweet

Share

By Burned - 5/6/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45963

You deserved it

7044

Tweet

Share

By Ilovelife07 - 7/7/2019 02:00

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2373

You deserved it

159

Tweet

Share

By proudestmonkey - 24/3/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91949

You deserved it

6476

Tweet

Share

By Labelme - 2/1/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33089

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By owmyhead - 11/4/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30257

You deserved it

3129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 19:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29473

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By ... - 20/1/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2108

You deserved it

709

Tweet

Share

By ihatedogs - 22/6/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42788

You deserved it

19855

Tweet

Share

By Zoey_M - 8/7/2013 23:26 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39113

You deserved it

3728

Tweet

Share

By twingirl - 14/8/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51659

You deserved it

4124

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By azouwa | 26

#7458464 - Monday 22 May 2017 1:04

Sometimes this can happen if the hot and cold water lines run through the building parallel. The hot heats the cold line up making them both hot. Next time run the cold water until the line is flushed.

By Pixiewolfe | 46

#7458452 - Monday 22 May 2017 0:07

Talk about being in hot water!

COMMENTS

By Exaspera | 54

#7458449 - Monday 22 May 2017 0:01

And the minibar costs $$$.

By Pixiewolfe | 46

#7458452 - Monday 22 May 2017 0:07

Talk about being in hot water!

By azouwa | 26

#7458464 - Monday 22 May 2017 1:04

Sometimes this can happen if the hot and cold water lines run through the building parallel. The hot heats the cold line up making them both hot. Next time run the cold water until the line is flushed.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7458491 - Monday 22 May 2017 3:09

You should tell the hotel manager about that. Hopefully, they'll refund you any money that they charged for the mini bar. Alternatively, maybe they'll give you a free night. Or both.

By Tarlachia | 33

#7458525 - Monday 22 May 2017 7:45

If I washed my hair out with minibar sparking water, then damn it, there better be glitter in that water because I'm gonna be faaaabulous!

By baxminc | 6

#7458556 - Monday 22 May 2017 9:29

One expensive shower

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#7458618 - Monday 22 May 2017 11:52

But just think of the "lift" and "sparkle" it will give your hair!

I'll bet you could pay a fortune for that in a salon somewhere!

By Cebolamole | 13

#7458807 - Monday 22 May 2017 19:53

So, was the water in the sink also scalding hot?

By Gameoftheombosis | 6

#7458958 - Tuesday 23 May 2017 2:35

I woulda taken the ice bucket and half filled it with that scalding water so i got lukewarm and FREE water to rinse my hair out. There were options lol

By Gameoftheombosis | 6

#7458959 - Tuesday 23 May 2017 2:35

I woulda taken the ice bucket and half filled it with that scalding water so i got lukewarm and FREE water to rinse my hair out. There were options lol