Miscellaneous: Today, we were doing a group project in class. The girl I have...

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, we were doing a group project in class. The girl I have a crush on came to ask me if I was alone and I said yes. She took the chair next to me and walked away. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Expanding universe

Modern Family

By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

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By PoachedFish - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

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34241

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

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16953

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By Anonymous - United States - South Sioux City

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15635

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23812

You deserved it

1714

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By Really? - Australia - Homebush

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8440

You deserved it

1120

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By LoveStinks

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16124

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2527

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after several months of eating right, exercising, and weight loss, my mother has yet again arrived at my house, unannounced and with a very sugary cake. She's been doing this most weeks since I lost 50 pounds. FML

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32591

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35264

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By who_could_it_be - Canada

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31470

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By jackpot - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

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29386

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Tilehurst

Right in the snowglobes

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1095

You deserved it

151

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By ParkingGuy - United States

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44375

You deserved it

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By sadsadboy - Peru

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26281

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

You deserved it

628

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By Bitch

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

444

You deserved it

10405

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By Chad - 6/9/2020 13:59 - United States - Norfolk

Medicare for all

Today, I had to have emergency work done on my teeth after I seized in the shower and smashed my face into the tub. Apparently, the dental insurance I'd been paying for but had never used ended its coverage 4 days ago, because my job was no longer working with them. FML

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1499

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By VacationTSA - United States

Today, I woke up in a girls bed, that I have had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50736

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4176

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By E

Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9347

You deserved it

771

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 05:04

NRA fanboy

Today, I finally confronted my husband about his silicon *wedding ring* having rifle bullets on it. He said, "I love you as much as I love guns." I clarified, "As much as?" to give him an out. He replied, 100% serious, that he really loves his guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

379

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By Pumpkin - United States

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40140

You deserved it

102773

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By skinnybitch - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33840

You deserved it

6526

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By pinkfloyd777

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44405

You deserved it

3826

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By busted - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43754

You deserved it

3245

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By 635CSi - United States - San Diego

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25020

You deserved it

2954

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By LoadingMeows - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12758

You deserved it

1888

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By Crawlinginmymemes - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9885

You deserved it

1962

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By nooo - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

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31218

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By Vandrefalk - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

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23873

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5349

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By pyrosythan - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51231

You deserved it

3133

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By badadvise - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

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27205

You deserved it

2566

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By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

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46682

You deserved it

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By thanks, fuckface - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41015

You deserved it

4128

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By disturbedgd - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17910

You deserved it

1874

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By overlandparkmommie - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40323

You deserved it

3711

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By al - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10047

You deserved it

30475

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By BabyBeardy - Australia

Today, I stepped out of a bar in order to make a phone call. While I was outside, the bouncers arrived and ropes were put up. They wouldn't let me back in, claiming I was too young and they hadn't seen me come out. I was celebrating my 26th birthday, the legal drinking age is 18. I also have a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32090

You deserved it

3175

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By Makeitdance - United States - Pleasanton

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47367

You deserved it

5028

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By Cannachick

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1900

You deserved it

414

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By boohoo - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39642

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6102

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Top comments

By Regulate | 21

#7458394 - Sunday 21 May 2017 21:11

Why didn't she just ask if the chair was free?

By cloudish | 22

#7458386 - Sunday 21 May 2017 21:03

Seems like we Germans are quite good at unrequited crushes. I feel with you :/

COMMENTS

By cloudish | 22

#7458386 - Sunday 21 May 2017 21:03

Seems like we Germans are quite good at unrequited crushes. I feel with you :/

By Regulate | 21

#7458394 - Sunday 21 May 2017 21:11

Why didn't she just ask if the chair was free?

zinoxity | 23

#7458562 - Monday 22 May 2017 10:02

Well because it could go something like this:
Girl: Hey is this seat taken?
OP: Nope *thinks to himself: yay she's going to sit with me*
*Girl takes chair*
*OP writes FML*