Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML
Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
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Top comments
DreamStatic 8
You must have been beggin for real bacon after that.
Ian7890 23
Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Gotta get that bacon!
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Comments (97)
Hutch1965 6
You're not planning on marriage to this girl, are you?
k_lylepad 19
Don't wife that bro.
jarrettd 27
Don't be fooled readers. It was all the dogs plan from the beginning. When op was a younger lad he accidentally fell and hurt a stray dog. This stay dog had a litter of puppies. One of the puppies is the dog that op owns. The dog persuaded op's girlfriend to give him the dog treats as revenge. It was all a clever ploy!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You've definitely got an active imagination... :P
ifavela89 13
was she not eating? eh idk how she didn't taste it if she did eat with you. its ok to be rude if your eating dog food lol
Enslaved 38
So you ate dog food? If you gave your woman one room in the whole house to "master in" would you prefer her to choose the kitchen or. . .the bedroom??:P
Corrupt_waffles 13
Well they do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... They also say practice makes perfect.
Cujo3269 9
Full blown stupid. I mean a complete retard. Unless she was pranking you
tman1985 9
never go full retard
crystalxa 35
oh man that's a classic!
jw90 18
Hey it's still bacon lol
pikachulove14 14
that's what I said but nobody seems to get that.
PeachiePrincess 16
Haha, I guess she's never seen bacon treats before! At least you figured it out before you ate the whole sandwich.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
How does that even happen? The bag of Beggin Strips clearly depicts a dog and has the Purina label in plain sight. Even my three year old was able to deduce that the 'bacon in the bag' was for our dog and not for her.