Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
Today, it's been a few days since I saw an ad advertising my job after being told about it by a telemarketer. When I asked my boss about it, she claimed things were fine, it was an old ad, not to worry. Now, I was actually fired for no valid reason. A telemarketer gave me more warning than they did. FML
Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML
1sasafras1 tells us more.
Yup. Just the skimmer net under water. The location made us unable to use the pole with the skimmer attached
Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML
Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML
Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML
Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML
Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML
Today, I found out that ever since I went from working full-time to part-time, my boss frequently blames me for different things behind my back. Currently, she's telling people I clogged the toilet and lost her keys - on what was actually my day off. FML
cocacola999 tells us more.
cocacola999 27
Hi, Op here! Thank you for all the kind comments (and yes, I am searching for a new job so I could leave). To clarify: my boss has very bad memory and she likes to blame people. It was only yesterday when my coworkers told about me having become the new scapegoat. It is not a daily occurrence; she's claimed a couple of times that I should have done something, when in reality she had forgotten to tell me about these tasks. It is a small office and everyone knows which days I have off, so my coworkers didn't tell me about it - they never believed any of her stories anyway. All claims were made only in front of three other people, we share a room, so naturally they knew I wasn't there on those days. Clogging the toilet and losing keys, however, were such remarkably stupid claims that they felt I should know. She found her keys and apologised in front of everyone, clogging the toilet was a passing remark ("oh, maybe it was her!") that she's probably already forgotten. Still, I don't want to work for someone who badmouths her employees behind their back. I am currently filling a job application - fingers crossed!
Today, as I was building furniture at work, I managed to get my fingernails ripped off and the tips mauled while cutting the wood for a nightstand. As my I was getting bandaged, one of my bosses looked at me and simply asked, "Why'd you stop working?" FML
acf1233 tells us more.
acf1233 16
Wow. I didn't expect this to get published like at all but hey I guess it's an upside to the whole thing. This actually happened yesterday and there's a lot more to what happened then you can fit in an FML so here's the full story. I work at a furniture store where one of our major sellers is the old, rustic, farm style furniture. I've recently became the first stage guy, cutting the wood, putting the frames together, that kind of thing. On the thicker boards there's always a little bit of excess on the end when you cut them down with a table saw and this particular sliver decided to get caught in the saw, catch under my finger nails, and launch back ripping two of them off. My bosses where really caring about the whole thing. In fact the store is owned by my best friends parents so they're like family to me. The guy who asked me why I stopped working was just giving me a hard time like he always does so I'm not mad in the slightest. He was just being a good ol hard ass dad and it was actually kind of funny.
Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML
Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML
Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML
Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML
Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML
Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML
Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML
Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML
Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML
Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML
Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML
Today, at my new fast food job, I was in charge of filtering the grease out of the fryers. I accidentally turned the wrong lever and flooded the kitchen with hot oil. It took over 3 hours to clean up, and my manager is furious. FML
Punkpoptart1119 tells us more.
Hi! OP here. I honestly didn't think this would get posted so I'm pretty surprised. They gave me a super quick run down of what to do, then everyone left the kitchen. The front cash people don't know how to do it, so I was left alone. The good thing is, it could've been way worse. My manager said that if it had flooded on the top, the fryer could've caught fire, so at least it wasn't that. I was really upset so my manager told me to go outside and have a smoke while it was cleaned up. She got mad at the kitchen people for leaving me by myself and talked to me later on. She said that everyone makes mistakes and that it was okay. I had to filter the fryers the following night, but I made sure someone was with me so I didn't **** it up again. I still have a job! Thanks for all of your comments. A lot of them made me laugh and feel better about the situation.
Today, I'm filling in as a secretary. My only job is to answer the phone. So far the phone has rung three times: when I was in the bathroom, when I went to get the mail and when I was shredding papers where there is no phone. Everyone here thinks I am slacking off. FML
mdimanzy tells us more.
mdimanzy 3
Hi guys I am the original poster but I don't know how to get back into my other account. Anway, this has fulfilled my middle school dream of being published on FML! FYI I am 19 years old and home for the summer from college. I fill in as a secretary as at accounting office because it is usually dead in the summer. They basically pay me to sit up front and answer the phone but I do have to do other things like get the mail, shred paper, file a few things, etc. It is a pretty laid back place and the owners are family friends. It just happened to be on that day I missed the few phone calls that came in. But someone else in the office happened to catch the phone before me. Really not a big deal just thought it was kind of funny! And a sidenote, it was correct for me to use 'where' because the shredder is in a conference room and no phone is in that room. But thank you guys!! I have an abnormal amount of happiness that this got posted.
Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML
Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML
Today, I went to a professional development meeting with my boss to discuss how I'm doing and what we want from each other next year. I left without a job. FML
jeffcarp tells us more.
jeffcarp 9
Hi OP here! Thanks for the funnies, laugh in the face of adversity I believe! Just to elaborate some more- I'd asked for the meeting, had been asking for a few weeks. I thought something wasn't right as they never responded, but when a time and place was confirmed I thought 'at last!' This sort of thing happens a lot in my job, so I was still none the wiser. I was basically told that there were too many others in the company with the same job title as me, and one has to go and they chose me. I stated that that was quite the opposite of what I thought we would be talking about and that was that. I have a notice period to work and want to check my rights and entitlements in the meantime- I'm hoping there's some sort of payoff! It's not all bad news though, I have another job lined up for me if I want it so I won't be out of pocket. It's strange how life can suddenly change!
Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML
Imagino1234 tells us more.
Imagino1234 12
OP here. Most of the time, students like me have been able to get away with bringing food and drinks to class as long as 1) we don't make a huge mess. 2) we don't bring anything alcoholic (unless it's a final class celebration thing, but even then there's more food than wine). 3) we stay away from the computer labs. If we weren't allowed to bring food and drinks to class, there would be a lot of tired and cranky people who would wonder why there are so many coffee stands on campus if no one's allowed to bring something caffeinated to perk them up in morning classes. In case anyone's wondering, I was drinking raspberry flavoured Real Leaf iced tea; it's a popular brand on campus, so I even I'm confused why my prof didn't recognize it as iced tea.
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