By tracy4191 - United States - Ponchatoula Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 12419 You deserved it 706 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML I agree, your life sucks 26895 You deserved it 2091 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ignatius - United States Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML I agree, your life sucks 59907 You deserved it 26695 259 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh my son - Canada - Toronto Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML I agree, your life sucks 41571 You deserved it 5713 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hailey Antone - United States Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML I agree, your life sucks 32252 You deserved it 3099 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Astounding competence - 3/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht People are people Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML I agree, your life sucks 847 You deserved it 146 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Christina - Canada Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML I agree, your life sucks 16733 You deserved it 49635 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 14:00 Unsanitary Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1792 You deserved it 278 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sick of this shit - United States - West Grove Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML I agree, your life sucks 20839 You deserved it 1738 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Impossible Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML I agree, your life sucks 40090 You deserved it 4063 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML I agree, your life sucks 25312 You deserved it 1627 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Maddington Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML I agree, your life sucks 27152 You deserved it 13175 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanksma - United States - Stilwell Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML I agree, your life sucks 6642 You deserved it 621 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ygma - United States - Mansfield Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML I agree, your life sucks 26348 You deserved it 2747 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By flattened Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML I agree, your life sucks 61528 You deserved it 8483 265 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BIGCHEIFAAA - United States - Union City Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML I agree, your life sucks 56539 You deserved it 22831 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xomelodygervais - Canada - Timmins Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 28810 You deserved it 6146 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML I agree, your life sucks 56018 You deserved it 6382 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scratchpost - United States Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML I agree, your life sucks 32836 You deserved it 4596 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jackassed - United States Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML I agree, your life sucks 15487 You deserved it 58992 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By depressed - United States - Yorktown Heights Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML I agree, your life sucks 40148 You deserved it 3053 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cazzb - United States - Woodbridge Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML I agree, your life sucks 30728 You deserved it 3014 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML I agree, your life sucks 27133 You deserved it 5712 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous. - United States Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML I agree, your life sucks 33509 You deserved it 5004 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aproudmom - United States - Glen Head Nerf bullets Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML I agree, your life sucks 1668 You deserved it 273 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 24669 You deserved it 2545 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ukraine - Kiev Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML I agree, your life sucks 9481 You deserved it 18651 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 20:03 Greed Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML I agree, your life sucks 1291 You deserved it 100 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sparks - United States Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML I agree, your life sucks 28651 You deserved it 14929 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By speechless - United States Today, I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all. I went to make myself some breakfast and my mom kept asking me questions, to which I replied with nods and head shakes. She said, in a condescending voice, that I need to use my “big girl words” and will keep using her “baby voice” until I do so. FML I agree, your life sucks 2799 You deserved it 187 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML I agree, your life sucks 41873 You deserved it 3399 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bubblegummm13 - Canada Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML I agree, your life sucks 33629 You deserved it 4454 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By niquey62307 - United States Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML I agree, your life sucks 24200 You deserved it 5715 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Max - United States Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML I agree, your life sucks 44061 You deserved it 6021 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bucktooth - United Kingdom Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML I agree, your life sucks 25351 You deserved it 2640 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mylifeisamovie - United States Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML I agree, your life sucks 11601 You deserved it 58568 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GiraffeLover - Australia Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML I agree, your life sucks 45173 You deserved it 6991 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lds124 - Canada Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 34117 You deserved it 3943 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BruisedPride Tumblr Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML I agree, your life sucks 1253 You deserved it 314 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML I agree, your life sucks 47857 You deserved it 17989 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sammy77sam - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML I agree, your life sucks 47566 You deserved it 4931 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rawrshi | 25 #6692196 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:25 I have a sneaking suspicion that she isn't actually doing much sleeping in your room, OP. 153 2 Reply
By FML_HelloItsMe | 15 #6692189 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:12 OP.Take the dildo and casually leave it on your mothers bed while she is laying on it. Send a private message 147 1 Reply
By FML_HelloItsMe | 15 #6692189 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:12 OP.Take the dildo and casually leave it on your mothers bed while she is laying on it. Send a private message 147 1 Reply
By Siehnados | 17 #6692190 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:13 I'm trying to think of a worse situation, at least she didn't use your toothbrush I suppose? Send a private message 20 3 Reply
Reply Eldslibo | 20 #6692203 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:47 Using it as a dildo, or for brushing her teeth? It can always be worse, but finding your mother's toys might be high on the list of things you don't want to find in your bed. Send a private message 24 0 Reply
By Rawrshi | 25 #6692196 - Monday 19 September 2016 11:25 I have a sneaking suspicion that she isn't actually doing much sleeping in your room, OP. 153 2 Reply
By StiffPvtParts | 43 #6692230 - Monday 19 September 2016 12:57 I'm no expert, but perhaps she sleeps in your room because she misses you when you're away? Now, the question is... just how badly does she miss you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) Send a private message 50 5 Reply
Reply justfrofro | 7 #6692413 - Monday 19 September 2016 19:54 This is beautiful Send a private message 3 2 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6692254 - Monday 19 September 2016 13:57 Your phrasing makes it sound like you stopped to chat with it. "Oh, hey man. What have you been up to?" "Not much. Just got out of your mom's vagina. You know how it is." "I hear ya. Did that once about eighteen years ago. NOT my thing. I cried for months." Send a private message 77 3 Reply
Reply GekGek | 4 #6692489 - Monday 19 September 2016 22:18 this is just.. art. Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By Qandol | 26 #6692267 - Monday 19 September 2016 14:30 Reading this disturbed my mind it's just so dirty to even picture it.. time to Bleach OP. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By thearronaut | 10 #6692278 - Monday 19 September 2016 14:52 Oh, ewwwww, fucking disgusting! Burn your damn bed op Send a private message 3 6 Reply
By cloviss | 8 #6692313 - Monday 19 September 2016 15:52 You poor soul ? at least it was your foot and not your face or something Send a private message 4 4 Reply
Reply Mitsko | 6 #6692453 - Monday 19 September 2016 21:10 Can you imagine him stumbling on his moms dildo head-first? Or poking his eye? Now that would be a great story for the er xD Send a private message 10 0 Reply
By KyoshiroT | 32 #6692330 - Monday 19 September 2016 16:31 You should probably lock your bedroom next time you leave. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By tosdyke | 16 #6692438 - Monday 19 September 2016 20:34 That's just plain wrong on so many levels... Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 630 You deserved it 184 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1115 You deserved it 171 11 Comments