Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML
Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
Melime88 tells us more.
Melime88 0
I must say it's a bit amusing how serious you guys took it. I'm the one who did this FML and it was mostly meant to be amusing and funny. At first I took it as an insult, but it is really a compliment. I'm proud of my butt!
Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML
Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML
Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML
Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML
Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML
Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML
Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML
Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML
Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML
Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML
Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML
Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML
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