Love: Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His...

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 451

You deserved it 3 071

Love

This Charming Man

Compromises

Divorce impending

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 20:06

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 336

You deserved it 293

By newscomes - 14/10/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 544

You deserved it 3 553

By Acneface - 28/06/2009 00:55 - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 098

You deserved it 5 792

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 836

You deserved it 5 847

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 293

You deserved it 274 844

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 423

You deserved it 2 874

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 6 566

By Slipperywhenwet - 28/02/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 575

You deserved it 48 053

By hale_551 - 11/09/2015 16:34

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 969

You deserved it 1 552

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 574

You deserved it 4 457

By KayEffEh - 17/09/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 170

You deserved it 3 434

By Anonymous - 22/07/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 961

You deserved it 3 382

Bass Pro Shop

By superfreak6 - 20/05/2016 13:25 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 823

You deserved it 1 938

By fark - 20/11/2014 20:45 - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 429

You deserved it 9 472

When clampers attack!

By frustrated - 04/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 118

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 19:59

Today, having split up with my husband, I tried to plan visitation so he could visit my sons, his stepkids, only to be told he has no intention of visiting kids that aren’t actually his, and that now we’re divorced they're entirely my problem and good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 22:36 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 934

You deserved it 7 556

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 06:39 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 831

You deserved it 3 416

By SoDamnBroke - 28/09/2016 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 599

You deserved it 940

By imy - 18/10/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 019

You deserved it 9 431

By GeorgiaBOYY - 04/01/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 082

You deserved it 8 168

By geeklove - 16/01/2012 03:30 - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 680

You deserved it 7 469

By babyeaternomnom - 30/06/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 815

You deserved it 2 316

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 279

You deserved it 72 368

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 221

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 207

Good morning!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if-" as he flung it around and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 756

You deserved it 176

First Impression

By Katy3225 - 06/06/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 1 639

Jackson Galaxy wanabee

By oh.geez - 05/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 4 870

By frustrated - 29/06/2011 12:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 619

You deserved it 2 735

By imanidiot - 03/03/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 152 104

By Anonymous - 25/11/2016 08:43

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 170

You deserved it 1 021

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 83

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 452

You deserved it 36 781

By wtfjusthappened - 24/01/2009 03:27 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 680

You deserved it 31 709

By Nutty - 16/11/2018 22:00

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 518

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 2 773

By swiggityswooty - 23/07/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 7 336

By mikey - 14/10/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 137

You deserved it 7 037

By oh well - 10/03/2015 13:27 - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 8 376

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:36

You ought to pipe up that, unlike the other girls, you have ño gag reflex. That'll shut Dad up.

ninjasaurous 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 21:40

Poor grammar had confused me in this FML.

blasfmer 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:27

least he wasnt suggesting it without you there then your boyfriend could act on it without you knowing, so in a way he is respecting your feelings.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:30

I'm willing to bet that he has done that without the OP there. OPs bf should tell the dad to knock it off.

crew279 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:25

it was still blatantly rude. sorry op

UrTheWorstCharac 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:38

"That would be better for him than me" Worst grammar/use of quotation. Ever.

joshijosh 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 7:41

I sure he didn't point at a koala! ha

teffysayshi 8

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Thursday 6 January 2011 6:04

As long as you can understand it what's the problem?? Goodness o.0

mandark 9

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:29

than*

satomi_ishida 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:21

No, 1 used the correct one. :P "Then he could act on it." FYL OP. Stand up for yourself and tell him in a mature manner how well the relationship is going and that you're both in love. It's not like you and his dad are dating. (Ew) Then poop in his shoes. JK!

hellokat1 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:28

2 was correcting OP.

Bee_fml 2

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Monday 3 January 2011 21:50

Fixed, thanks! :-)

sexybeastsexybea 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:11

thats wat op said tard! havnt u noticed evrybdy hates grammEr Nasis?! haha jk

mandark 9

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 3:56

dumbestdrummer 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:22

but 1 said the same thing as OP

theLuscious 2

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Thursday 16 June 2011 8:02

fat

Stepherrss 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:32

If your boyfriend can't stand up and tell him to stop and that he will date whoever the fuck he wants ... something's wrong. Move on while you still have the chance.

perdix 29

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:36

You ought to pipe up that, unlike the other girls, you have ño gag reflex. That'll shut Dad up.

mandark 9

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:16

Oooor, get him talking more. Just this time, in her favor.

CMC_LOVES_MGM 19

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Monday 3 January 2011 19:50

Well he can suck lemons, if your Boyfriend is with you, hes with you for you! so don't listen to that bastard. I hope your boyfriend didn't agree so if he didn't you two can still be happy just no mentioning of his father! ha! :D GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR RELATION remember its you and your boyfriend, not you,your boyfriend and his father!

MysticDude 1

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Monday 3 January 2011 20:38

I don't think that that kind of information was given. I think he was just basing it on looks. Funny comment anyway.

FFML_314 11

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Monday 3 January 2011 21:31

He's a peeper. Not like you, but the more subtle kind of peeper.

ninjasaurous 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 21:40

Poor grammar had confused me in this FML.

InnocentLies 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 22:34

Bleh me too. :((

stephaniegeezy 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 21:44

I really hate grammar Nazis, but I Need to do it... CORRECT FML: Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out, at every opportunity, girls "that would be better for him than me". FML