Love: Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 103

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

05/01/2011 04:17

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 7 547

There's no helping some people

Our house, in the middle of our street

Hey

18/01/2009 12:41

Spicy

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 3 466

17/11/2014 15:47

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 749

You deserved it 4 080

25/05/2011 00:02

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 814

You deserved it 53 158

24/05/2009 21:49

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 248

You deserved it 4 608

14/02/2012 05:34

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 21 369

18/09/2013 16:55

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 584

You deserved it 5 339

Don't look back

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 16/07/2021 20:01

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 625

07/01/2013 20:09

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 3 282

Poor me

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 03:00

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 216

Thanks, I guess

By whut - 22/12/2020 10:16

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 644

You deserved it 3 115

04/02/2013 01:20

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 421

You deserved it 3 214

15/04/2012 18:43

Spicy

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 244

You deserved it 3 267

City boy

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend realised that I’m from the part of Louisiana where we hunt gators for food, and dumped me because he doesn’t want to be a city boy who ends up fathering redneck kids, and having to sail through swamps to visit the in-laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 148

27/08/2015 06:46

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 649

You deserved it 1 811

24/06/2009 12:11

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 367

You deserved it 46 622

21/09/2011 12:40

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 593

You deserved it 39 045

12/03/2010 06:36

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 3 041

08/01/2009 03:59

Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 4 208

Shorty-Greasy Spot-Spot

By GreaseNose - 25/09/2019 14:00

Today, while studying with the girl I like, I rested my face on my book, pretending to be frustrated. When I lifted my head, I realized I'd left a greasy spot on the page from my nose. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 520

29/09/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 433

Guilt

By subconscious karen - 23/05/2021 17:01

Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 158

15/04/2016 19:00

Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 295

You deserved it 1 776

13/10/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that the gentleman that found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 161

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 277

You deserved it 2 749

20/12/2013 21:05

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 916

You deserved it 2 906

31/07/2009 15:10

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 565

You deserved it 7 141

26/06/2011 05:39

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 506

You deserved it 5 281

03/02/2012 04:23

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 312

You deserved it 8 177

18/05/2019 04:17

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 170

07/02/2017 06:00

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 604

You deserved it 715

15/10/2015 06:24

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 2 027

'Cause I'm a Criminal

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 14:00

Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 874

You deserved it 851

15/12/2015 13:03

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 052

You deserved it 2 213

11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 368

10/08/2013 04:02

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 668

You deserved it 6 068

09/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 183

10/01/2010 16:19

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 522

You deserved it 3 535

14/09/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 426

You deserved it 226

18/01/2012 03:31

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 452

You deserved it 5 122

Little fella

By littlefella - 04/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 111

You deserved it 817

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Top comments

Janah_the_ENP 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:19

Wax it if it's so obvious it's gross. If he just realized that HEY women have light facial hair too, he's a dick.

therealsuperman 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:35

he's just jealous because he can't grow one

Comments

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:11

YDI. shave it.

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:19

Um, no. Any female openly acknowledging their prominent facial hair will always end with said female's failure. Doesn't matter the circumstances.

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:20

hahaha

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:35

No!! It was changed... Now I appear a damned fool...

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 15:09

Fur growth strikes women again..

LightningLadyy 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 0:09

Hahah niiice, #7 :)

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Thursday 6 January 2011 0:57

#1- here we go again!

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:12

ydi shave it

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 13:06

why would you shave it? obviously waxing is the way to go, shaving would just make it more noticeable =.=

starrs_movingIn 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 5:53

most pretty girls hve moustaches. just saying.

davidjr_saldana 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 11:05

i knew this chick that waxed over time the skin became burnt & she had a permanent stache shaving waaaaay better

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:13

I feel like this women with moustaches thing is becoming an epidemic. Learn from other FMLs and wax it.

macskapingvin 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:29

It's not an epidemic, people are just become simultaneously more aware and less aware that this is a common situation. It's not a problem. So what if a girl has a little hair on her lip? Who lays down the rules that says theres anything wrong with that?

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:30

I know a girl with a hairy-ass upper lip like Piper Perablo's. Major turnoff.

unfortunate_13 5

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:51

i don't think the girl really has a moustache, the guy probably just chickened out.

dt520 4

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 11:00

its the hormones in the food!

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Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:56

Lazer that shit it sounds cooler and then its gone forever

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:13

you must be Hispanic then

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:20

or German.

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:14

aaaawh;p

Johdy 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 15:07

ummm... if I may interject here... I kinda agree wit biggmike on that one... it really wasn't a racist comment women from those countries do tend to b hairier... just yesterday this Mexican lady who walked into my job had a full beard with sideburns and a unibrow... I COULD NOT stop staring

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:17

Ewww. I don't blame him. Go wax that shit...or shave it or pluck it. Do something. YDI, you should have noticed something like that.

Wuhuh 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:18

Better pull out that razor if you want that kiss.

firefighterazz 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:18

wow. ever herd of shaving cream. nothing worse than kissing a girl with more facial hair than me

Janah_the_ENP 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:19

Wax it if it's so obvious it's gross. If he just realized that HEY women have light facial hair too, he's a dick.

macskapingvin 0

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:31

Sounds like a dick thing to say anyway, but yeah, he's slightly justified if it is obvious, but I doubt it was, or the OP wouldn't have been as surprised.

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:20

ouch >.< wax!