ALL FML

By Oopsie - 20/07/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

agreeclassic 1 551

vote type 1 268

By amy - 20/07/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

agreeclassic 1 565

vote type 1 156

By ladygrey - 20/07/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

agreeclassic 1 862

vote type 1 240

By InnocenceBlue - 20/07/2019 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, after I've been nauseous for a week straight, barely eating or sleeping, I was going to see my doctor. She then called in sick and I can't get an appointment for another week. FML

agreeclassic 1 669

vote type 1 125

By Youalreadyknowmyname - 19/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, a guy asked me my name and I told him it's Holly. He then asked if I was "real or a Holligram?" Apparently, The Office is the best, and only place to get pick up lines. FML

agreeclassic 1 489

vote type 1 278

By DrunkPeopleSuck - 19/07/2019 16:00

Today, a customer at the bar I work at yelled at me for calling her "Ma'am." I asked what she'd prefer, and she gave me her name. When I called her by her name, she yelled at me for not calling her "Ma'am." FML

agreeclassic 1 962

vote type 1 129

By LostSoul - 19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

agreeclassic 1 764

vote type 1 109

By caligirl4ever - 19/07/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

agreeclassic 2 022

vote type 1 507

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

agreeclassic 2 034

vote type 1 131

It's all too much

By twistedelegance - 19/07/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

agreeclassic 1 789

vote type 1 173

Not now!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 1 801

vote type 1 156

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

agreeclassic 1 968

vote type 1 137

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

agreeclassic 1 349

vote type 1 999

By wowawesome - 18/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

agreeclassic 1 533

vote type 1 373

By anon - 18/07/2019 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

agreeclassic 2 056

vote type 1 318

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

agreeclassic 1 708

vote type 1 199

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

agreeclassic 2 274

vote type 1 306

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

agreeclassic 1 769

vote type 1 301

By DoctorBreadLegs - 17/07/2019 20:03

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

agreeclassic 1 520

vote type 1 268

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 16:09

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

agreeclassic 2 511

vote type 1 114

Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

agreeclassic 496

vote type 1 2 950

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 04:00

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she asked me how I was doing. I replied, "Still alive!" like I always do. I forgot both of her parents recently passed away. FML

agreeclassic 1 609

vote type 1 642

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

agreeclassic 2 394

vote type 1 288

By Gary - 16/07/2019 20:30

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

agreeclassic 1 659

vote type 1 288

By meow - 16/07/2019 18:30

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 1 637

vote type 1 220

Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo

By fuck your music - 16/07/2019 07:30 - United States

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

agreeclassic 1 969

vote type 1 576

By rert - 16/07/2019 06:00

Today, after my girlfriend told her mother that she is seeing a different guy than me because her mother doesn’t approve of me, I learned that she is also seeing said guy. FML

agreeclassic 1 626

vote type 1 142

By machina - 16/07/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

agreeclassic 2 275

vote type 1 162

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

agreeclassic 1 704

vote type 1 138

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 00:01

Today, I went in for I thought would be an interview for a promotion, but turns out there was no interview set up, and they'd already decided who would be the next manager. FML

agreeclassic 1 562

vote type 1 134

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

agreeclassic 14 598

vote type 1 1 961

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

agreeclassic 51 825

vote type 1 10 194

Today, a friend told me he no longer wishes to be my friend, not because I did something, just because he no longer looks forward to seeing me, counts down every minute until a socially acceptable time to leave, and is always thinking up excuses to either be late or not come at all. Wow, just wow. FML

agreeclassic 491

vote type 1 184

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

agreeclassic 34 872

vote type 1 3 749

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

agreeclassic 242

vote type 1 884

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

agreeclassic 49 163

vote type 1 3 780