By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh Alexa, play "Repetition" by The Fall Today, I woke up and realized it's still 2020. It's like Groundhog Day. FML I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 198 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By talker - United States - Middletown Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML I agree, your life sucks 10494 You deserved it 22914 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FabFor87 - United Kingdom - Stockport Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML I agree, your life sucks 6605 You deserved it 508 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML I agree, your life sucks 62148 You deserved it 4916 256 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dusk - United States Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML I agree, your life sucks 36936 You deserved it 4213 306 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 34115 You deserved it 6414 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sales ham - United States Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML I agree, your life sucks 26193 You deserved it 7912 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By prayforme - United States Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML I agree, your life sucks 8019 You deserved it 62748 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cassie Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 17266 You deserved it 50261 255 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stillshakinggd - United States Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML I agree, your life sucks 23349 You deserved it 2702 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 02:00 Notification sound Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1057 You deserved it 703 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pocketrocket90 - Australia - Capalaba Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML I agree, your life sucks 55189 You deserved it 5295 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, after months of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, he told me he had found a fantastic place that was really inexpensive. It seemed way too good to be true. It was. He took me to a storage unit. FML I agree, your life sucks 6430 You deserved it 586 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toolateabuckshort I agree, your life sucks 3235 You deserved it 1842 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML I agree, your life sucks 29451 You deserved it 5343 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peepeepainter - United States - Jasper Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 43238 You deserved it 8063 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Joe - United States Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML I agree, your life sucks 14777 You deserved it 50642 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HaleyDrew08 - United States Today, I tried giving myself a bikini wax for the first time, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do it right. Now I'm laying on my couch with a wet rag and ice inbetween my legs. FML I agree, your life sucks 33887 You deserved it 20044 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notgoth - Netherlands - Rijen Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML I agree, your life sucks 44398 You deserved it 8345 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML I agree, your life sucks 14444 You deserved it 49578 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML I agree, your life sucks 34600 You deserved it 3405 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 35816 You deserved it 18274 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By confusedbagel - United States - Los Angeles Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML I agree, your life sucks 42886 You deserved it 3976 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JoanT - 14/7/2020 09:43 "Nice alarm you've got there" Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML I agree, your life sucks 225 You deserved it 37 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poo4brains - New Zealand - Christchurch Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML I agree, your life sucks 32946 You deserved it 3595 286 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Lowell Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML I agree, your life sucks 13400 You deserved it 928 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bob H. - Canada - Qu?bec Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML I agree, your life sucks 38458 You deserved it 5357 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By underemployed - United States Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML I agree, your life sucks 34579 You deserved it 4881 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By foreveryoung - France Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML I agree, your life sucks 13823 You deserved it 3256 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rach - United Kingdom Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML I agree, your life sucks 29569 You deserved it 4374 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tigerbyrn - Canada - Scarborough Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 18871 You deserved it 2028 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By single now - United States Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML I agree, your life sucks 29310 You deserved it 4286 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sissyleemae Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML I agree, your life sucks 2951 You deserved it 311 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By photogirl - United States Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML I agree, your life sucks 40060 You deserved it 7391 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jodie Zawadzka Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 2952 You deserved it 1297 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML I agree, your life sucks 27155 You deserved it 4238 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crystalpistol - United States Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 33787 You deserved it 16247 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Norah - United States Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML I agree, your life sucks 29530 You deserved it 3176 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Godi - United States Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML I agree, your life sucks 33636 You deserved it 2946 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peedonme - New Zealand Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML I agree, your life sucks 31664 You deserved it 2852 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lyssthemiss - United States - Joliet Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 25640 You deserved it 2290 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 28 #7953402 - Saturday 21 November 2020 10:18 And Groundhog's Day is 02/02. 2020 backwards! Coincidence? Hmmmm?!?! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By Paul Rushing | 21 #7953569 - Sunday 22 November 2020 2:35 Lame... Send a private message 0 3 Reply
By RichardPencil | 28 #7953402 - Saturday 21 November 2020 10:18 And Groundhog's Day is 02/02. 2020 backwards! Coincidence? Hmmmm?!?! Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By Paul Rushing | 21 #7953569 - Sunday 22 November 2020 2:35 Lame... Send a private message 0 3 Reply
Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend.... I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 143 7 Comments
Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!”... I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 561 4 Comments
2020 backwards! Coincidence? Hmmmm?!?!