All the FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 22:00

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 2 450

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 20:00

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 140

By Kit2019 - 23/07/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, I got overly excited because someone texted me, but then realized that moments before, I had sent myself a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 447

By marcy_89 - 23/07/2019 16:01

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:33

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 1 308

**** off

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 233

Frozen 3

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 209

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 793

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 999

By Oh. - 23/07/2019 02:00

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 2 521

Memory loss

By forthethreeofus - 22/07/2019 22:00

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 213

By OhCanada - 22/07/2019 20:00

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 300

Rumbled

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 18:00

Today, while on a beach with my boyfriend, with whom I've been with for three years, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 242

Back in the saddle

By kipper - 22/07/2019 12:00

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 248

Documentation

By wookieewhosshe - 22/07/2019 06:43

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in four days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 157

Ah, puppy love…

By Unlovable - 22/07/2019 04:00

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "Baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 544

By xXPikachuXx - 22/07/2019 02:01

Today, after 3 months of job hunting, I finally got a job. But now my birth certificate and social security card are somehow lost, and I can't start until I let them see a copy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 407

Pipe down

By Anonymous - 22/07/2019 00:01

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 282

By Former Professor - 21/07/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 213

SHUT UP

By Anonymous - 21/07/2019 16:15

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 96

Pay attention

By stickyickystone - 21/07/2019 14:12

Today, I got my hand caught in a belt sander while sanding down what was supposed to become a "Caution" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 377

By LostSoul - 21/07/2019 12:10

Today, I arrived at the doctor's to schedule surgery to find out my insurance got canceled again. I only just got it reinstated after the last time they screwed up and canceled it. It took me 6 months to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 115

By ChloeisaDoll - 21/07/2019 06:01

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 936

You deserved it 133

By Ladyfarquard - 21/07/2019 04:03

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 568

By darknight - 21/07/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 3 961

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:06

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 132

Are you?

By lxygrl - 20/07/2019 13:07 - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 345

You deserved it 134

By TooFast - 21/07/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 201

By DrunkenMum - 20/07/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 112

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I called customer service for my phone. We talked for a while and the man was very nice to me. Too nice. Right before hanging up, he said, “Have a good day ma’am!” He was flirting the whole time and I didn’t realize it, and he didn’t that I’m a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 180

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 101

Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 78

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 135

You deserved it 256

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 588

You deserved it 4 352

Today, I was updating our company's tracking system, lovingly making sure every load was set up to track, asking drivers to accept tracking, excluding some from reporting that didn't track right, deleting unnecessary loads. Then I deleted an extremely important load. The one load that absolutely should not have been deleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 293