By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 05:04

Free carer

Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML
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By  chyiochan  |  30

You have absolutely no idea what their relationship is. You have absolutely no idea what OP can and cannot handle. You have absolutely no idea if the husband dumped it on her and she has NO SAY.

Think of the complete other side of the coin. She is allowed to have feeling and have limits. This is an extremely huge burden, even if it is loving, on anyone. Especially if unprepared.

OP, look to hire an in-home nurse and see if your MIL's insurance covers it. Get help if you can't handle it. It's a lot to deal with and a HUGE change especially if it's out of nowhere.

I've been in OPs position for a month, and me doing it I was COMPLETELY willing and able to. It was hard as hell, and tolling on our marriage. Imagine someone who has no choice, doesn't know them well, got treated like shit from them, and has to do it. Maybe OP worked and had to quit?

You all say OP has no sympathy, but in home bed care is EXTREMELY taxing and I won't listen to a cent of anyone who hasn't done it personally or delt with it professionally.

Good luck OP. I hope you can keep a level head and clear mind. Reach out for help always!! Especially from other family if possible!

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  chyiochan  |  30

You have absolutely no idea what their relationship is. You have absolutely no idea what OP can and cannot handle. You have absolutely no idea if the husband dumped it on her and she has NO SAY.

Think of the complete other side of the coin. She is allowed to have feeling and have limits. This is an extremely huge burden, even if it is loving, on anyone. Especially if unprepared.

OP, look to hire an in-home nurse and see if your MIL's insurance covers it. Get help if you can't handle it. It's a lot to deal with and a HUGE change especially if it's out of nowhere.

I've been in OPs position for a month, and me doing it I was COMPLETELY willing and able to. It was hard as hell, and tolling on our marriage. Imagine someone who has no choice, doesn't know them well, got treated like shit from them, and has to do it. Maybe OP worked and had to quit?

You all say OP has no sympathy, but in home bed care is EXTREMELY taxing and I won't listen to a cent of anyone who hasn't done it personally or delt with it professionally.

Good luck OP. I hope you can keep a level head and clear mind. Reach out for help always!! Especially from other family if possible!

Reply
  Yummi_913  |  13

She's not HER elder. She's not even her blood. This woman's son should be cleaning her up if anyone. And the whole "respect your elders" rhetoric utterly fails to consider that elders can be horrid people who deserve to be treated according to how they themselves treat others. If by the time you're that old and you're STILL unbearable to the point of your family wanting nothing to do with you, you reap what you sow.

By  Brightside86  |  21

It really sucks that the "best" solution for people on their last leg seems to be just pay someone to take care of them until they expire.

I'm really hoping advancements in medical technology add to quality of life as we get older so most can be self sufficient right up until the end.

By  Sady_Ct  |  37

As a professional carer, sometimes the attitude of the patient is based in fear and lack of knowledge and understanding of surroundings and circumstances, as well as medical conditions such as UTI, Dehydration, and Dementia that could be disease related or purely as an acquired brain injury, sometimes it’s just straight up attitude.

The incontinence could be again attitude or related to a medical condition.

Without further information it’s really unfair to say either FYL or YDI.

The way you have worded your FML, I tend to to feel FHL not yours, as you are still capable of caring for your self and have the independence and brain function required to find another resolution to this problem where the patient’s dignity and needs are respected and taken care of.

By  crashtestdumplin  |  15

Well I’m sure she doesn’t have control over it. Adult diapers are actually pretty affordable, and if she’s on Medicare/ or if your in another country with universal health insurance, look into her benefits, most of the time insurance companies will pay for home care products like incontinence wear, rinse free shower cloths, adjustable beds, so forth. In some cases they will even pay for an aid to come daily to help with the activities of daily living. Sometimes families are part of the package and if you are really struggling to care for her, express to your husband that you need help and think it would be best for a trained professional to come help and even teach you how to properly care for her. Who knows? It may give her a sense of independence as well, depending on her situation. If anything it will prevent you from developing resentment towards her or your husband.