Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

by geoduck / 02/10/2011 at 12:31am / United States / Work

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

by effyou / 02/10/2011 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

by Username / 02/09/2011 at 9:48pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

by inosehowthatgotthere / 02/09/2011 at 8:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

by spiderchick23 / 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

by Sam / 02/09/2011 at 3:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

meg238f's comment : Well, that's what happens when you laugh at people with problems. Are you 10?

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Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

by Samyett / 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Love

gman422011's comment : dump the jerk!!!

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Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

by ouch / 02/09/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

by maddie! / 02/09/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

by PrestonW / 02/09/2011 at 10:53am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 10:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 5:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML

by Heretique / 02/09/2011 at 4:30am / Norway (Finnmark) / Miscellaneous