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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

#7015066
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7378) - you deserved it (39149)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by namehere34 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

#7014697
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27020) - you deserved it (6382)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

#7014682
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38196) - you deserved it (3528)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by Grounded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

#7014156
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27996) - you deserved it (2415)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by runescapeftw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

#7013020
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7146) - you deserved it (38756)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:56am - misc - by musicgod123 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

#7011846
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36296) - you deserved it (5650)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by bradyman (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

#7011501
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24205) - you deserved it (2718)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by patrickRafael (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

#7010601
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25014) - you deserved it (1980)

On 12/29/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Stumanji (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

#7010356
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31031) - you deserved it (2796)

On 12/29/2009 at 5:57am - animals - by PoachedFish (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

#7009296
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9154) - you deserved it (14132)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59am - intimacy - by pieceofcake163 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

#7008039
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you deserved it (25695)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by SherryBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

#7007835
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (1947)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by dentinpalevo (man) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

#7007388
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (3862)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:12am - intimacy - by marriagesux - United States



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