Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine....

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

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9489

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Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

By alycion

Today, I woke up with my face flying at the wall. A muscle spasm had caused me to pop out of bed. I'm now dealing with a concussion and sprained neck, thanks to an almost physically impossible feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1595

You deserved it

114

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By blahppl14 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30996

You deserved it

13491

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By roundemup - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23580

You deserved it

5184

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By chickenflavouredlaptop

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3985

You deserved it

1011

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45593

You deserved it

20711

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By Anonymous - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7156

You deserved it

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By superhero1043 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28512

You deserved it

5207

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01

Bye bye love

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1681

You deserved it

156

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3371

You deserved it

795

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By lovealways22 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28970

You deserved it

2818

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By Luke - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25142

You deserved it

2593

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By smiletellsall - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66687

You deserved it

3092

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By footfood - Slovenia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74120

You deserved it

7703

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By Brody89 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73492

You deserved it

37366

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2021 08:08

Great first date

Today, I went on a date. I didn’t want to go to his house, but we all have needs. I told him I should leave because I needed my medication in the morning. Passed out. Woke up, had a seizure, then made him go to my apartment to get my meds. This was a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

881

You deserved it

519

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By Anonymous

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3440

You deserved it

165

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By suckstobefat - Canada

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33637

You deserved it

7191

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By mcfaily - Canada

Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27726

You deserved it

2393

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By meh beard - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21440

You deserved it

1582

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By Mommy - United States

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12426

You deserved it

28126

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By bull-stuff - United States - Columbia

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37386

You deserved it

2490

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By harro101 - Australia

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27384

You deserved it

6168

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By Jayman223 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6652

You deserved it

1125

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By Anonymous

Triage

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1697

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 14:02

Winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

695

You deserved it

206

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By smh - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21333

You deserved it

2984

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12013

You deserved it

32907

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By Elizabeth - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11415

You deserved it

26544

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76808

You deserved it

3684

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By SimG - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72004

You deserved it

24117

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By um...no? i don't think so anyway - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47442

You deserved it

6275

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By piliseep

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3997

You deserved it

356

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By Anonymous - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32851

You deserved it

3611

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By MIG2204 - Denmark - Copenhagen

So, here's the thing…

Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1950

You deserved it

179

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By severely late.... again!

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2887

You deserved it

249

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By slavelaborsux - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40625

You deserved it

3871

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15997

You deserved it

980

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30390

You deserved it

3369

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By gottacatchemall - United States

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66689

You deserved it

28912

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27447

You deserved it

3006

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Top comments

By caancoha | 0

#738604 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:06

Oh, look. He's watching you sleep.

By IMB916 | 0

#738621 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:16

YDI for having such bad taste in men.

COMMENTS

By caancoha | 0

#738604 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:06

Oh, look. He's watching you sleep.

themixedt4pe | 0

#739132 - Sunday 27 December 2009 18:01

This.

harsan_09 | 1

#740247 - Monday 28 December 2009 7:18

WIN.

gigi_bella | 0

#959720 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 23:48

Double win.

xXCrazyPersonXx | 0

#1205999 - Sunday 8 August 2010 0:47

Triple Win. o3o

iampunk | 0

#1685388 - Friday 12 November 2010 4:22

C-C-Combo breaker!

hyrulequeen2010 | 0

#4274246 - Sunday 8 April 2012 5:36

That's what you get for being a twilight fan

Comoke1024 | 19

#5854395 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 0:54

stealin' yo kids.

By kooldrew3 | 0

#738606 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:08

wtf

By doorbellgirl | 0

#738607 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:09

YDI Taylor Lautner is ten hundred thousand times SEXIER

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3513245 - Sunday 30 October 2011 15:39

That's true, but I would say she deserves it.

CrazyV | 22

#3607610 - Sunday 20 November 2011 1:02

cant believe people buried this comment... twilight fans get a life

splatterband6487 | 4

#5144054 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:53

I do have a life. Obviously I love edward

By Deezie | 0

#738608 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:10

lmao! thats too funny!

By alicealice_fml | 3

#738609 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:10

I love robert pattinson its okthings happen like that all the time

zuli_fml | 0

#747642 - Thursday 31 December 2009 22:02

Only if you're fucking retarded.

whatthe_efff | 0

#749763 - Saturday 2 January 2010 4:03

Hahaha, things like this happen all the time? What the hell are you doing? I just about laughed as hard about this as I did about the FML.

mycheese | 0

#4216860 - Monday 26 March 2012 7:42

Wtf who actually likes Robert pattison (btw I knowi spelled it wrong but who cares) he's a ugly stalker

Palirose | 22

#5770796 - Thursday 28 November 2013 3:34

#291, You're absolutely retarded. He's acting a role for a fictional character which made him a lot of money. He isnt actually a stalker you nit wit.

By daydreamstar | 7

#738613 - Sunday 27 December 2009 9:11

soooo. was it good??? did he make you shiver with his icicle...
he watches you in your sleep to make sure you dont leave ..lolol well. at least it wasnt spongebob and thankfully edward/robert dosent sing....mlia..