Animals: Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange...

By grosssss - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31654

You deserved it

3405

Favorite

Animals

There's no helping some people

Just a prank, bro!

Luck of the draw

By Sadtimes - United Kingdom

Today, my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he hadn't "popped" the question. I've just spent the last 2 months helping him plan the perfect proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51724

You deserved it

3712

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34189

You deserved it

7288

Favorite

By bad luck? - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43014

You deserved it

2667

Favorite

By fuq - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25777

You deserved it

2743

Favorite

By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

617

You deserved it

1424

Favorite

By thanksbaby - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45902

You deserved it

11530

Favorite

By IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29620

You deserved it

5683

Favorite

By Anonymous

"Shit ticket for one"

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2965

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Megan

Weren't there two girls?

Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2317

You deserved it

4495

Favorite

By outsmartedbykids - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51566

You deserved it

30779

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl has a crush on me. Too bad it's my co-worker's five year old granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40115

You deserved it

4316

Favorite

By educatttiiioonnn - United States

Today, I made exactly 400 flashcards of my vocab that I had to memorize. It took me over 3 hours to make them and hours to remember them. Proud of myself, I showed them to my friends. Then my friends notified me I had memorized the wrong section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17821

You deserved it

25986

Favorite

By Brittanyy_leigh - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38791

You deserved it

5960

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31218

You deserved it

5090

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66091

You deserved it

10445

Favorite

By socksoffire - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32026

You deserved it

4817

Favorite

By jjoker - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2234

You deserved it

912

Favorite

By ScarletBuckeye

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10429

You deserved it

4945

Favorite

By texasbest - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23658

You deserved it

2002

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33761

You deserved it

5132

Favorite

By WhatALoserAmI - India - Bhopal

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14615

You deserved it

855

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40278

You deserved it

3906

Favorite

By Black Cat 13 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36040

You deserved it

3500

Favorite

By :/

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44190

You deserved it

17422

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9099

You deserved it

68089

Favorite

By burb - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44913

You deserved it

3857

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Albert Park

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56665

You deserved it

3919

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2021 17:31 - India - Mumbai

It's called a calendar

Today, it was my first day at my first job, I got up early, got ready, waited an hour for HR to call. I called them instead and they didn't answer, so I wrote an email to the partners. It turns out I got the first day date wrong. Some first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

642

You deserved it

359

Favorite

By John - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years. She said no. Why? She's already married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55568

You deserved it

6319

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24279

You deserved it

65245

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50677

You deserved it

3495

Favorite

By Anonymous

Had any calls lately?

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

774

You deserved it

1294

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48101

You deserved it

22343

Favorite

By grossedout

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32967

You deserved it

3703

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17739

You deserved it

47228

Favorite

By Christinemh329 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24671

You deserved it

2500

Favorite

By insertfoothere - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16239

You deserved it

59751

Favorite

By computerguy - Canada

Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33570

You deserved it

4220

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25169

You deserved it

4118

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 04:02 - United States - Akron

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

Today, after a year and a half, I finally cut things off with my ex completely because I was starting to have feelings for someone else. Right after I cut my ex off, the other girl that I liked cut things off with me, and threw my ass in the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

526

You deserved it

1725

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 8trickster8 | 0

#748905 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:26

It's his way of saying, "I love y-BLERGH."

By snafu57 | 1

#748842 - Friday 1 January 2010 17:36

it's not everybody who can train their cat to bring them a midnight snack.

COMMENTS

By randomaccountnam | 0

#748778 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:25

YDI for having a cat.

kcmcg09 | 0

#749506 - Saturday 2 January 2010 0:54

agree u shouldve had a dog

Nikiebear226 | 0

#750010 - Saturday 2 January 2010 7:20

What if she's alergic to dogs? And likes cats? Not everyone has the same opinion on pets.

By mylifekicksass | 0

#748782 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:27

LMFAO:P

By teamedwardftw | 0

#748783 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:29

ew that's disgusting

By ipwnallmen | 10

#748785 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:34

This cool cat obviosly wanted to have face sex with you but one look at you mad him cum at the wrong orifice.... at least your cat likes to chase after some pussy but get him a tutor... lol fyl.. hope you lose that memory soon.

By rlet | 1

#748798 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:40

well at least the cat didn't do it on your bed and btw you totally deserve it for having a cat

By JERKKMONKEY | 0

#748809 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:56

NAHAHAHA kitty vomitt

By snafu57 | 1

#748842 - Friday 1 January 2010 17:36

it's not everybody who can train their cat to bring them a midnight snack.

By 8trickster8 | 0

#748905 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:26

It's his way of saying, "I love y-BLERGH."

By bubbub617 | 0

#748910 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:27

loo loo

By ILostMyPants | 0

#748938 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:48

Literally projectile vomiting...