Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain...

By NotANaturist - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

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8779

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41808

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

By Anonymous - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43217

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3792

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By potpurri_needed - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23153

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60808

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By amy

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4294

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332

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By The Dishwasher - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3618

You deserved it

1074

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By Anon - Canada - Calgary

Birthday Bitch

Today, I received an angry phone call from a friend whose birthday party I missed last night. Yesterday, I gave birth to my son. She claims that I ruined her party and demands I still bring her a birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8818

You deserved it

565

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By Elgrin - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12784

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1410

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By badmom - United States

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks

90068

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By Anonymous

Cool

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

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1299

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358

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By Dani_Rich - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13960

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By Bill - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28854

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18051

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By Confused lesbian - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4368

You deserved it

278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60892

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Mess incoming

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

146

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1756

You deserved it

820

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By sideGirl - 26/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Side piece

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1384

You deserved it

171

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, after months of job searching I got a job interview. I also later got a phone call from the manager informing me they burned down, and all current employees will be relocated or dismissed, and that my interview, scheduled for tomorrow, is postponed indefinitely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27632

You deserved it

2245

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By rholt - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50365

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8054

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By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

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44673

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5988

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By Sarah1330 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

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31291

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By Anonymous - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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35913

You deserved it

6993

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By akasha - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25887

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2594

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

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76507

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4313

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17530

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3599

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By not a cancerous pimple - United States - Chester Springs

Panic

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

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15285

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By Anonymous - United States - Lakeland

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

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45103

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5684

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

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15696

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22141

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By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39286

You deserved it

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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24835

You deserved it

5597

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2020 17:00

Fetch!

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1297

You deserved it

769

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By katie_sadface - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30192

You deserved it

2981

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45326

You deserved it

4590

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 19:08 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Covidiots

Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1035

You deserved it

164

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21766

You deserved it

35681

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By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47603

You deserved it

8427

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By LonelyInLA - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42487

You deserved it

4956

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31592

You deserved it

5921

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Golden child

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1238

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17372

You deserved it

39873

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into work, and the first question my boss asks me is "Are those your pajamas?" I was wearing my favorite outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30791

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9455

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By sad drummer - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35198

You deserved it

3002

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Top comments

By zman0900 | 11

#749027 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:04

must have been a damn good party

By NotVeryOriginal | 0

#749115 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:36

I bet your vagina is destroyed. FYL indeed.

COMMENTS

By zman0900 | 11

#749027 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:04

must have been a damn good party

Bear_Flu | 0

#749156 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:56

should be on twi

LoveIsASong_eddi | 0

#749477 - Saturday 2 January 2010 0:33

So you had fun, I take it?

schwinn11 | 0

#749725 - Saturday 2 January 2010 3:38

Well, it depends !
Did you wear a shower curtain to the party?
If not it was a good party!

chyeahbro | 0

#795847 - Sunday 24 January 2010 17:45

yeah all this means was that you had an awesome night

ryguy997 | 0

#933262 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 22:17

was it transparent?

JokerJohn7 | 0

#975568 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 7:36

lol #53

By C4R0L1N3 | 0

#749029 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:05

Why is this an FML? That's awesome.

jdog9999 | 0

#806713 - Friday 29 January 2010 8:17

probably because she went out with a hundred or so dollars in clothes and came back with a $5 shower curtain

Elfkid21 | 19

#5601799 - Sunday 28 July 2013 10:20

well then it was her own stupid fault for buying overly expensive cloths, now huh?

By FerrariCake | 2

#749033 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:06

Check Facebook and YouTube... there's probably pics or videos of you already up. At least then you'll know what happened.

603050294 | 0

#750101 - Saturday 2 January 2010 8:34

Considering what OP went home in, those online photos might be the last thing she wants to see.

By leasha12111 | 0

#749035 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:06

Now that is how to party

By that_guy321 | 2

#749039 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:07

i agree. i fail to see how this fucks your life. if i were in your situation, i'd know i had a good time

By amthony08 | 0

#749042 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:08

wow good party

By farmgirl | 3

#749050 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:10

this is more of a "text from last night" rather than an fml

By Enna_fml | 0

#749066 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:15

Gives new meaning to "walk of shame"!!! Lol!

By niadanac1 | 3

#749084 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:20

Gotta love a great party!

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#749088 - Friday 1 January 2010 20:22

must have been an awesome party :)