Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look...

By shoes - 2/1/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

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Miscellaneous

Boom, headshot

Race against the clock

They're everywhere

By lemonlime66 - 1/3/2017 22:00

Look Before You Leap

Today, while sitting in a busy store waiting area with my brother he went to the bathroom and came back with his hands cupped saying he found a mouse. He then threw it on the magazine in my lap. I jumped up screaming and flailing about while everyone stared and laughed. It was a piece of cotton. FML

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By Darryl - 12/5/2015 12:53 - Australia - Tarragindi

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

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By nonnie31 - 25/4/2016 19:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/5/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By random - 29/4/2013 21:11 - Canada

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

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By slugitha - 16/3/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

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By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Blind love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 23:02

Alexa, play "Noise Annoys" by Buzzcocks

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

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By bachelor - 26/9/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 13:43 - Germany - Munich

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - 17/12/2011 13:30 - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

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By jonnyc - 17/6/2009 13:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 06:11 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

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By "Keira McArthur" - 25/12/2018 20:00

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

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By DuckMan - 7/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 20:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

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By crazycat - 13/5/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

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By BabyBeardy - 10/12/2009 23:05 - Australia

Today, I stepped out of a bar in order to make a phone call. While I was outside, the bouncers arrived and ropes were put up. They wouldn't let me back in, claiming I was too young and they hadn't seen me come out. I was celebrating my 26th birthday, the legal drinking age is 18. I also have a beard. FML

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By Muchacha22 - 20/6/2016 17:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

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By biggieT - 14/6/2012 02:21 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

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By thankskimi - 15/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

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By amaze - 25/6/2019 02:30

Today, I discovered just how picky my son is. In addition to understandably not eating vegetables, he also doesn’t eat chicken fingers, pizza, or ice cream, along with several other foods I assumed all kids love. FML

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By mel - 18/1/2011 07:05 - United States

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

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By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

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By itwaswarm - 25/9/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

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By ouchmyeye - 10/6/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

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By Bishop - 6/6/2012 14:19

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2017 18:00 - Canada - Westerose

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

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By Birthday girl - 6/1/2013 05:59 - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 04:01 - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

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By Smokey9 - 25/7/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By why mom, why? - 12/6/2013 04:59 - United States - Ross

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

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By wantmeasandwich - 10/7/2015 16:57 - India - Mumbai

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 17:18 - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

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By Cheated - 3/8/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#750160 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:33

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.
Oh, my God, shoes.

By powersmoke | 0

#750185 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:44

Clap all they want, they are the ones who will be picking the shoes up. This ain't no stinkin' FML.

COMMENTS

By Lucky_Adi | 0

#750147 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:29

douchebags...

BREADEDELF | 3

#750159 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:32

you're a douchebag for calling them douchebags. It's not like they made her pay for the shelves or anything.

K3707H001 | 0

#3194936 - Sunday 28 August 2011 14:00

BUT WHAT IF THEY DID?

rooneyroo | 0

#3329800 - Thursday 22 September 2011 22:34

You're a douchebag for calling them a douchebag for calling them douchebags. And yes, I know I'm a douchebag for saying this, douchebag.

Acers1 | 13

#5809314 - Sunday 29 December 2014 22:37

Douchbag ception

By Starchild21 | 3

#750158 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:32

What a bunch of assholes. I hope you threw the shoes at them

__________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Towelie_31 | 0

#750169 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:38

she knocks over their shoe shelves and they're the assholes?

Starchild21 | 3

#750181 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:42

Look at the "clapping" part. It's not like she deliberately knocked them down. The people mocked her.

____________________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99