Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/1/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

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Fashion Police

Tense

Gas giant

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 4/6/2020 23:00

Manipulation

Today, my ex, who I only dated for 3 months, told me the only reason why he dated me was because he thought my sister was hot, and he just wanted to get closer to her. So thank you for that. FML

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By silkworm - 24/6/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

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By ReallyMom - 9/1/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2012 19:54 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2018 15:00

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

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By moe472 - 24/1/2012 02:47 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By brob56 - 23/4/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

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By BornInTheWrongEra - 31/3/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

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By JD - 2/2/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

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By FailedSalesman - 17/12/2016 17:39 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

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By Username - 28/2/2011 05:44

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

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By Noname - 9/3/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

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By dr mamour - 30/1/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

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By annoyed - 28/9/2012 00:41 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

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By Chelsea - 2/4/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

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By myl1f3isfuct - 11/7/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

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By anonymous - 27/11/2014 03:33 - United States - Butler

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

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By anonymous - 24/12/2014 23:56 - United States

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

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By Crushed - 4/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

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By can't win - 13/1/2015 16:25 - Australia

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

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By Wealthyparrot - 10/5/2013 08:24 - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

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By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/8/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

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By whymomwhy - 11/7/2015 17:20 - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 07:58 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

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By AgentKoos_99 - 11/10/2016 07:52 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

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By Anon - 17/2/2012 20:43 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

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By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

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By tequilashot - 20/9/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

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By sad day - 21/6/2020 17:04

Time to run

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

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By Allison Arsenault - 7/6/2020 08:08

Cheap-ass perv!

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

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By pauper - 9/2/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

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By kill me - 20/6/2017 04:00

Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML

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By NoMoreTrumpetBlowing - 14/8/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

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By busted - 22/9/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

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Top comments

By vetter_fml | 0

#748696 - Friday 1 January 2010 14:45

Nowhere is in Kansas.

and you can watch the ball drop online...it's not the same, but...Happy New Year anyway?

By shamille | 5

#748689 - Friday 1 January 2010 14:39

what's the parental control code? i bet it's 0000

mwahahaha...

COMMENTS

By ipwnallmen | 10

#748573 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:06

ouch. some parents just dont understand or are jsut very paranoid. hopefully your friends taped it and you can watch it there.

By Miki_xx | 0

#748576 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#748594 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:19

Yay #2, you fail. Congratulaions :D now go and get a life instead of trying to be first.

And OP...that sucks, try standing up for yourself. Depending on how old you are. If you're younger than 15, then don't bother. Older that 15, tell them where to shove their parental controls.

Reply

RyanKaufman | 7

#751379 - Saturday 2 January 2010 23:33

Don't feel too sorry for her considering NYC is an hour ahead of IL so it would be at 11. Nice try but I live in Illinois and I watched that one. It was quite nice.

Reply

gtvwls7 | 0

#753694 - Monday 4 January 2010 1:59

i noticed that too--thumbs up!

Reply

beccartist | 1

#794205 - Sunday 24 January 2010 0:10

retard. they show it every hour so each time zone gets it.

Reply

jeffav51 | 0

#2307468 - Thursday 7 April 2011 6:51

in Washington it was at 9 smarty

Reply

Dinkle | 1

#3785524 - Sunday 25 December 2011 9:07

I like you'

By ipwnallmen | 10

#748581 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:09

lol, poor miki! and she's maybe 12-14, or maybe 10-11 O.o''''

By GreenDayRHCP | 0

#748588 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:12

shouldve watched the one in LA

GREEN DAY PLAYED! yeah.

but fyl for having strict parents.

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#749522 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:06

This reminds me...
I thought New York was an hour or two ahead of Illinois...?
So... The OP should have been able to see the first ball drop.

I must still be buzzed, because typing "ball drop" made me laugh..

Reply

cxal_fml | 0

#749789 - Saturday 2 January 2010 4:17

The new york drop is recorded (surprise!!!) and played again at midnight in each of the US time zones

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#749974 - Saturday 2 January 2010 6:50

I used to watch it at 9pm(as I mentioned below) when I was younger. Then at 10pm. Then 11pm. Then at midnight.

Reply

whataloadofbull | 0

#752039 - Sunday 3 January 2010 5:46

green day sucks.

Reply

WOW_idc123 | 0

#808742 - Saturday 30 January 2010 3:17

oh really? when I watch it it happens at 11pm n only at 11pm. and then i go and watch one tht happens at my time

Reply

anonymous496 | 0

#1606067 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 14:23

learn timezones retard that wouldn't work.

Reply

jeffav51 | 0

#2307483 - Thursday 7 April 2011 6:53

#4 is your really name rooroo/andy-roo/andy/andiroo/roo-de-doo/andrew?????

By ihatedads | 0

#748595 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:19

Hahaha, that sucks. I saw it drop! x3

By koolitaliano | 0

#748597 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:24

FYL!! I spent my parents are nearly as bad, they didn't let me watch tv after midnight too until I stuck up for myself a few months ago. I'm 16

By gr8nothingness | 0

#748610 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:39

try celebrating when the cell door locks you in at midnight. u should be so lucky to spend it with ppl who love you not someone who might take ur ass!

By zbot09 | 0

#748629 - Friday 1 January 2010 13:00

You're a dumb-ass. The ball drop is recorded at midnight in NYC and is replayed in every time zone at midnight. What kind of sense does that make otherwise?

By engelofthefallen | 0

#748632 - Friday 1 January 2010 13:06

I live in the central time zone as well and for as long as I can remember the ball drop has always been broadcast at 11:00.

By jf7609 | 0

#748640 - Friday 1 January 2010 13:20

I fell asleep at my computer.