The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Kinda is

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 18:00

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 2 840

On time

By GaryGaryOhGary - 21/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I set my alarm for 3:30 AM to catch an early flight. I got up, got dressed, and arrived at the airport in record time. While checking in, I was told that my flight is tomorrow morning. I’m now wide awake and sitting in a 24-hour diner, having a very early breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 455

Proselytism

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 20:00 - Brazil - São Paulo

Today, after many days of glances, smiles, and small talk, I tried to kiss a man from my gym in the parking lot. He dodged and asked why. I said I thought it was what he wanted, given his apparent interest. He said that he's only like that because he does missionary work, and wanted to become a friend. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 841

I'm so tired

By Musical Terror - 13/07/2025 00:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, I had a panic attack on the bus, because I couldn’t find my headphones. I was listening to them the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 406

Roomies

By Anonymous - 14/02/2024 06:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, after months of searching, I finally found a flat that is affordable and with amazing flatmates. The catch? I'm developing feelings for one of them. My heart sinks when they have a date over. I'm also in a relationship. The situation is eating me up inside. I hate that I'll have to go. Cupid, go f*ck yourself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 693

Wrong window, sorry

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 16:00

Today, I accidently sent that my butthole was on fire to a group chat with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 783

Rain check?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 15:00

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 2 048

Matchmaking

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 12:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife (who changed her mind about converting for me after we married) now wants me to set her friends up with guys I grew up with from the same church. She’s offended that my family doesn’t trust her friends, and wants me to be outraged on their behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 527

Parasocial relationships

By Laura - 21/07/2022 10:00

Today, my friend was telling me about her issues with her boyfriend, and I said, "Damn, that sounds just like a couple I know!" She asked me who, which is when I realised I was actually thinking about Davide and Ekin-Su on Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 845

Tasty snack

By hank - 02/01/2024 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was babysitting my neighbour's six hamsters. My cat got in the room and opened the cage. I came home to no hamsters in sight and a very satisfied looking cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 685

Nostalgia

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband that I missed how exciting it was when we were dating, so he pretended to sneak into my room through the window, we had sex, then fell asleep. All very exciting. Then the bastard actually snuck out while I was still asleep, and didn’t call me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 694

Almost there

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 22:00 - China - Hefei

Today, the National College Entrance Examination results were released. I only got 643 points. Far fewer than my expectation. Now I have to prepare for one more exam when I enter the college in September to try my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 248

This is fine

By Aaaaaaaah - 13/10/2024 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I started a new job. As I was introducing myself during the morning get together with the team, I forgot how old I was, and panicked. I ended up saying I was "twenty-fine." I’m 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 331

Take it up with HR

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 06:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 630

Vaguepost

By Anonymous - 25/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I’m about to lose my marbles. I can’t speak up because I need to keep the peace, but if I don’t it’s gonna enrage me to the point where I explode, so I’m essentially teetering on a wall with shit on one side and fire on the other. FML. Just FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 291

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I'm thoroughly convinced that my ex is lying about being in new relationships so she can burrow her way into my head/get my attention. Only problem is, we're in the same social circle, and if I call her on it, I'll look like a jealous idiot and my friends won't back me up. I just want these games to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 560

Quandary

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 00:02 - Singapore

Today, after my boyfriend left me a few months ago, I'd accepted him back because I wanted to work things out. However, now the pain I had to go through is making me lose sleep, interest, and my self-respect. Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 689

The pits

By BFF4L - 12/02/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 371

Ironic

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 10:00

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now I know why they call it 'smart' phone; it's smarter than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 609

Self report

By Wow ok - 09/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I am what the internet refers to as a "neckbeard." I really need to get my shit together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 332

It's our house, bitch

By Scared - 16/02/2026 00:00

Today, I've been trying to train the cats not to sleep on the bed, which is hard because they all adore my husband. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sleeping on his stomach and all three lying on him, staring daggers at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 335

Anger management

By Wife of a moron - 03/09/2025 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, I watched my husband attempt to make Cup Noodles. He used the Keurig to make hot water, instead of the kettle or microwave, then he burned himself trying to pour it, got angry, and smashed the mug and the noodles. I married this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 362

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 14/11/2025 12:00

Today, I was going over my vaccinations when I spotted that I hadn't gotten my Covid vaccine since last year. Not a big deal, my doctor hadn't made a mention of it on the last visit, and I got my flu shot last month. At least it wouldn't be a big deal if my friend hadn't tested positive for Covid last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 295

Never be that atheist debate-lord Andy

By Aaaaaaaaaa - 08/09/2022 20:00

Today, I was ranting about creationists, when a friend interrupted me. He managed to mount a defense of creationism that I couldn't argue with. I got so flustered, I punched him in the face and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 813

Pranks are shit

By milk plz - 13/02/2026 12:00

Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 401

The void

By Anonymous - 22/12/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 301

Wonky fear

By mala_19 - 27/08/2023 08:00 - Sweden - Burea

Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 640

Little cutie

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I recommend that you think twice about whether you want your little cutie playing with your apron strings while you cook. Especially if your little cutie is of the kind equipped with claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 569

Naughty boy

By Stevie - 17/08/2025 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 260

Brain worms

By Derp - 05/02/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to scratch off an Xbox gift card. When I started, I heard knocking. I opened the door. No one was there. I went back to scratching the card. Knocking again. No one there. This repeated until the fifth time, when I realized it was my rocking the desk with the repetitive movement of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 892

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The Top

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 757

You deserved it 784

Today, my card got declined at Subway, so I walked to the nearest cashpoint thirty minutes away to frantically figure out how much cash I had in my card. As I went to pull my card out of my purse, it slipped from my grip and fell into the sewer. The guy behind me snorted with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 896

You deserved it 2 621

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 2 438

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 010

You deserved it 68 610

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 163

Today, my wife won't let me light one my fireworks off early. I'm a grown man, darn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 1 040