Me at lunchtime By Lewis - 12/12/2018 00:30 Why have I to be polite? I agree, your life sucks 264 You deserved it 64 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said, "Well, you could always ask me." I then said, "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was, "Nope… now that's 8!" FML I agree, your life sucks 157 558 You deserved it 28 954
Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML I agree, your life sucks 31 557 You deserved it 4 886
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 365
Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 25 170 You deserved it 12 586
Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the door, my boyfriend greeted me with a "Hey, honey! Could you clean the crockpot?" It still had the chicken in it from my going away dinner. FML I agree, your life sucks 44 177 You deserved it 3 704
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML I agree, your life sucks 56 088 You deserved it 7 266
Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my swimming trunks. It was my grandma snorkeling. FML I agree, your life sucks 12 746 You deserved it 1 226
Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML I agree, your life sucks 194 You deserved it 1 943