Anonymous
A bug, not a feature
Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Crazy mom
Hyderabad, India
Competitive
Today, I've been relentlessly refreshing my email. I'm anxious and expecting the results of a competition. It's my preschooler's playdough competition results. What has my life become? FML
Anonymous
I now pronounce you…
Today, while registering to get married, my fiancé and I discovered that we’re already married and have been since our first foreign holiday together, to Vegas, when we got very drunk. Elvis was there. See where I’m going with this? Our parents are furious. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Time to GTFO
Today, my girlfriend cheated on me, and for the second time in two days. She has now cheated a total of 7 times in the space of 6 months. FML
Anonymous
Milwaukee, United States
The work wife
Today, I found out that my favorite female coworker was in a car accident. When I told my girlfriend, her only reaction was to roll her eyes and sarcastically say, "Oh no." She then immediately, and very enthusiastically, asked if the accident killed her. FML
Anonymous
France
Ravage me!
Today, wildfires are unfortunately ravaging a place dear to my heart, and displacing people. My family decided to offer accommodation to displaced people. That’s the story of how the man I am secretely in love with ended up sleeping in my bed and me, not. FML
FML Videos
New York, United States
Cat Fail
He disappeared like this weekend!
Anonymous
Warren, United States
More cake, please
Today, after months of at least trying to diet and exercising three times a week for roughly a year or two, I got put on the generic for Lipitor because my LDL is too high. That's what I get for celebrating my mom's birthday literally two days before I had to get my lipid panel taken. FML
117 stitches and a psych hold
Devil child
Today, after my 14 year-old son brought home six Fs on his report card, we decided to take away all his video games and sell them. He screamed for hours, then went into the kitchen and started smashing glasses against his head, "until we brought back his games." FML
Anonymous
Cleveland, United States
Classic
Today, I walked a good 5 minutes across campus, through a few large hallways and up some stairs, with about foot of toilet paper hanging out of my pants before somebody pointed it out to me. FML
Anonymous
Neuchatel, Switzerland
Confused, lost
Today, I missed my train. I was actually on the right platform but realized my mistake two minutes after it had left. FML
Anonymous
Weyauwega, United States
Ungeeked
Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML
Anonymous
United States
The world is a scary place, best be prepared
Today, I have spent the last two hours at work looking for the gas pump model of a different gas station than the one I usually go to, only because I don’t want to be embarrassed if I don't know how to use it. All thanks to my crippling anxiety. FML
Anonymous
United States
Cashier 4U
Today, at a busy register, I greeted a customer, started scanning items, and only halfway through realized they were on their phone with earbuds in and had not actually been talking to me. I got flustered, scanned the same item twice, and had to call over a manager while the line behind them got longer. FML
Anonymous
Chicago, United States
A cry for help
Today, is it normal to miss someone who’s hurt you so bad? How do you move on with life after wasting 3 years? How can you move on when everything around you reminds you of that person? When do you know enough is enough? FML
SLEEPLESS
Oslo, Norway
I can explain
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Anonymous
Monterey, United States
To show you my love
Today, after waiting 3 weeks so she wouldn't be too stressed after being shipped, I was finally able to handle my snake for the first time. As I went to pick her up, I noticed she's about to shed and so is temporarily super stressed by any movement nearby, let alone contact. Here's to another week of waiting. FML
Anonymous
United States
Somebody that I used to know
Today, I was thinking about this girl who I have feelings for. I haven't talked to her in three years, and recently developed these feelings. Out of curiosity, I asked her friend what NOT this girl's type is. She pretty much described me. FML
Anonymous
Leaky
Today, I decided I was tired of being fat so I started GLP-1. Today I also learned it can cause intractable diarrhea. Today I shit in an emesis bag in my car in a line at my kids' school, so now I’m fat and a shitty mom. FML
Anonymous
You must conform
Today, my bestie had me kicked out of her wedding the day of. All because I altered my bridesmaid's dress without telling her. She knows I hate fabric against my legs. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Who's in charge?
Today, a couple of days after my boyfriend came on a night out with my friends but made us leave early as he had an early work shift, he's now spent the last two nights out with his friends, late, and all my friends are busy and a bit peeved at us taking off early the other night. FML
Lewis
Paris, France
A real friend never lets you go
Friendship is no joke
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Negotiate
Today, I was hired under the previous terms and conditions that fixes my managers salary at 38 grand. This means that the little scrotes hired this year will start at 32 grand, but get yearly pay rises, so they will be earning more than me in only 5 years time, and sooner if they get promoted. FML
Lewis
When a coworker tries to help
Hold my beer!
FML Videos
Hangover Struggles
Living that derp life.
Not Kevin
Denver, United States
Do it again
Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML
Ryanbakr
Chess players, I swear…
Today, I tried playing chess with my wife sober, and remembered why we only play while I'm trashed drunk. She's so bad, I have to be on the precipice of alcohol poisoning to even enjoy playing with her. Otherwise, it's like playing a 2 year-old. FML
mario
What up EWU Crew?
Today, the cops were called on our apartment because they heard angry yelling and loud screams. I was having a Mario Kart party with some friends over and we got too into the game. FML
Anonymous
Eeeeeek!
Today, I tried to sneak a yawn during a quiet meeting. Instead, I made a squeaking noise that sounded like a dying mouse. The meeting ground to a halt. Someone asked if I was OK. I was not. FML
Jobless
Strauss would've been proud
Today, at a company event, there was a break. The Blue Danube was playing. Bored, I absentmindedly start singing, “My butt is ugly” to the melody. I forgot that my mic was on and the whole auditorium heard. Not only was I sent home, but my boss wants to “discuss” it on Monday at the office. FML