By KMilly - United States Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 14380 You deserved it 62429 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ozozl - United States - Evergreen Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 37885 You deserved it 3836 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Fairbanks Good morning! Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if-" as he flung it around and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML I agree, your life sucks 2682 You deserved it 171 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML I agree, your life sucks 17162 You deserved it 36554 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Good 2 have friends. - United States Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 14151 You deserved it 26729 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML I agree, your life sucks 65658 You deserved it 9940 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 45459 You deserved it 5012 311 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I Heart My Cats and Dogs Pet Store Madness Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML I agree, your life sucks 1198 You deserved it 467 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Valdosta Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 40852 You deserved it 2892 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badeats - United States Thanks Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML I agree, your life sucks 49515 You deserved it 9277 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Banker - United States Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML I agree, your life sucks 33549 You deserved it 8996 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML I agree, your life sucks 102967 You deserved it 9123 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Poquoson Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML I agree, your life sucks 45305 You deserved it 4215 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Co-B - United States Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML I agree, your life sucks 15825 You deserved it 60693 246 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML I agree, your life sucks 31027 You deserved it 69999 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By christmaswillneverend - United States - Red Lion Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML I agree, your life sucks 28946 You deserved it 11546 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - South Salem Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 61681 You deserved it 5819 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By elite Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML I agree, your life sucks 45362 You deserved it 4342 278 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Petergibbons - United States Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML I agree, your life sucks 24900 You deserved it 2805 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MiniJeans - United States - Casselberry Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML I agree, your life sucks 37164 You deserved it 12226 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LIFT - 23/7/2020 08:01 Ant life Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 1433 You deserved it 529 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By inefficiencies - 2/2/2021 05:10 See ya! Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML I agree, your life sucks 907 You deserved it 45 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By horrible daughter - United States - Santee Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML I agree, your life sucks 45942 You deserved it 8383 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SlothyMolly - United States Hey, it's you! Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML I agree, your life sucks 34755 You deserved it 4167 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouch - United States - Charlotte Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 24245 You deserved it 2113 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New Rochelle Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML I agree, your life sucks 1281 You deserved it 369 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iusedprotectionanyway - New Zealand - Waitakere Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML I agree, your life sucks 44013 You deserved it 3488 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sawarski - United States Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML I agree, your life sucks 32565 You deserved it 3280 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Julie - United States - East Brunswick Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML I agree, your life sucks 42095 You deserved it 2768 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coffee girl - Canada Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML I agree, your life sucks 33239 You deserved it 2426 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jake - Australia Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML I agree, your life sucks 49014 You deserved it 6197 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PuppyLove2009 - United States Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML I agree, your life sucks 27936 You deserved it 3835 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By M.A. - United States - Prescott Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML I agree, your life sucks 45014 You deserved it 5513 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Peter C. - United States Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML I agree, your life sucks 33160 You deserved it 10384 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mount Airy Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML I agree, your life sucks 47179 You deserved it 4004 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By atleastwedidntdie Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML I agree, your life sucks 3453 You deserved it 276 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By knoppad - United States Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML I agree, your life sucks 9809 You deserved it 50958 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SorryIDontMatchStandardSizes - United States Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML I agree, your life sucks 15586 You deserved it 1109 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pasha - Canada - Beamsville Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML I agree, your life sucks 30062 You deserved it 2836 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Reserved Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML I agree, your life sucks 15625 You deserved it 31862 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charlie Given | 23 #7756321 - Sunday 20 January 2019 2:19 I think he forgot he was bowling and not playing basketball 🤣 Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By Charlie Given | 23 #7756321 - Sunday 20 January 2019 2:19 I think he forgot he was bowling and not playing basketball 🤣 Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head... I agree, your life sucks 192 You deserved it 243 4 Comments
Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing.... I agree, your life sucks 181 You deserved it 475 4 Comments