Anonymous
Gilbert, United States
You tried
Today, after thinking my crush maybe liked me back, I confessed. He didn't. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Anonymous
How the turntables…
Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML
Pythagoras_is_from_Mars
Chicago, United States
Bad boy
Today, it's my first day on dating apps in a long time. I have a prominent facial scar from a car accident that happened a long time ago. All the girls that contact me want to hear stories of dangerous behavior and jealous exes. I'm a small town high school math teacher. FML
Bride
New Zealand
Shush
Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML
Unwilling Target
United States
Nutshot
Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML
Anonymous
Portland, United States
This is America
Today, I have only been back at work for one week after elbow surgery, which was followed immediately by hospitalization for diabetic ketoacidosis, which caused a severe flare up of my gout. The hospital bill is over $3,200 with insurance, and I just tested positive for COVID. FML
Technomage
Cut short
Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML
Anonymous
Added protein
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Anonymous
Fuzzy logic
Today, I arrived home and it was freezing. I asked why the windows and doors on the terrace were open and my roommate told me it was because she'd mopped the floor… on the terrace. The terrace that's outdoors. She thinks that this way the floor would dry faster. FML
Anonymous
Cover up
Today, my stepmother ruined my wedding by trying to get me to cover my tattoos with makeup. She spilled makeup on my dress, delayed the limo, talked through the ceremony about my tattoos looking horrible, and tried to cancel our photographer so there’d by no official photos of my horrible tattoos. FML
Anonymous
Private freakout
Today, my sister ended punching my mother in the face. Blood just leaked everywhere and everything just went downhill. I'm so scared and traumatized from witnessing it. I can’t get the scene out of my head, can’t fall asleep, can’t stop crying, want to puke, want to yell. I just can’t anymore. FML
Anonymous
United States
Fishy
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is trying to get her ex-boyfriend to move up here. FML
Anonymous
They're back, baby!
Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML
naas1201
China
Bigger cages! Longer chains!
Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML
Anonymous
Port Elizabeth, South Africa
Trickle-down theory
Today, my mental state went down another 2 levels when after 2 years of unemployment, I finally got offered a great job abroad. However, I probably won't even be able to go because I've reached the point where I'm too broke to even apply to get my passport made. FML
Anonymous
Crown Point, United States
The call of the wild
Today, I went camping with my boyfriend. We were sleeping on a small slope. He got so drunk he peed in his sleep. I was downhill. FML
Anonymous
Letting yourself go
Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML
Anonymous
Zittau, Germany
Nature is healing
Today, I’m proud and happy for having used my bike instead of my car for almost two months. Well, I was. Until I discovered that my car, though clean, dry and with a moisture absorber inside, has started to grow mold. Everywhere. FML
Anonymous
London, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
First time?
Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML
Having some mental health issues
Parasocial relationship
Today, I’m so lonely and sick of living that I wish my fictional comfort character was real, only so someone would hug me and tell me I’ll be okay, even if they were lying. FML
Anonymous
Act your age
Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML
Anonymous
Social pariah
Today, I was out with friends, A girl approached me out of nowhere and gave me a peck on the cheek, then yelled to my friend, "I kissed him, where's that drink you promised?" only for him to equally loudly reply, "I said I'd buy you a drink to TALK to him." Apparently, even bribery isn't enough for a woman to talk to me. FML
Pissed off and scammed.
Don't give in!
Today, my girlfriend is still mad at me because I got a MINISO cup and she doesn't have one. I was actually given that mug yesterday as a prize for working the extra hours I was forced to do last week without getting paid. FML
Lexa Keery
Cars suck
Today, my second car overheated after having it for like 6 months. Right after getting a new job. It’s currently stuck on the side of the highway, and I have no money to get it towed or fixed. Every time I think things are gonna be okay, they aren’t. FML
Anonymous
Shut up already!
Today, I thought working through the holidays would mean little to do and the boss telling me stories all day. Actually, it meant having loads to do, while my boss was telling me stories regardless, effectively keeping me from doing the work he is paying me for. FML
Christ on a bike
Dude, stop arguing!
Today, it was only after our third date, a random traffic stop by law enforcement, and a long, insane argument with the officers that I found out that the guy I've recently been getting to know is a Sovereign Citizen nutjob. FML
Anonymous
Patient confidentiality
Today, I got a mammogram, after feeling some discomfort. After the exam, I mentioned to my mother my doctor referred the test, because even though I'm still in my twenties, I have a family history of breast cancer. She told coworkers, friends, and family about my health condition. Now they all know. FML
sick not siiiick
Australia
Chronic
Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML
Anonymous
Federal Way, United States
Ban appeals time
Today, I was playing my favorite online game when I had to use the bathroom. While I was away for five minutes, my little sister went on my laptop, typed the “N-word” in chat, and got me banned. FML
Anonymous
Cut these people out of your life
Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML