The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 19 December 2021, 17:01

Cut these people out of your life

Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 895

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Anonymous · 4 April 2022, 00:01

Patient confidentiality

Today, I got a mammogram, after feeling some discomfort. After the exam, I mentioned to my mother my doctor referred the test, because even though I'm still in my twenties, I have a family history of breast cancer. She told coworkers, friends, and family about my health condition. Now they all know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 129

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tmrwsmggls · 16 November 2020, 14:01 ·United States

Joe Bidet

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 367

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Anonymous · 27 October 2022, 16:00

Hole in the head

Today, I had to get a nail removed from my head after a nail gun incident. The nail was actually touching my brain but didn’t cause damage. Of course being a builder with typical builder mates, the joke now is that I’m so brainless even getting shot in the head doesn’t make a difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 183

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Anonymous · 14 December 2020, 22:58 ·Moncton, Canada

Thanks, babe

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 125

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Anonymous · 19 December 2020, 04:58 ·Saint John's, Antigua and Barbuda

Caring

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 213

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Anonymous · 1 February 2021, 22:57 🌶️ Spicy

Meme wars

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me via a meme. What the fuck? With a friend of mine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 18 November 2021, 19:58

Help!

Today, our boss nicely asked if we were stressed. Before I could answer in the affirmative and ask for help, my colleague replied, “Stress is for the weak!” She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 142

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Anonymous · 3 December 2022, 10:00

White Lotus vibes

Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 98

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JustAScreen · 15 January 2022, 19:59 ·Aarhus, Denmark

Pretty much

Today, I was at a family birthday, and was excitingly telling my aunt about my new career in IT Security and Data Management. Her response was, "So you just look into a screen all day?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 162

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Back to my shell I go · 1 March 2022, 10:00 ·Australia

News from the dating scene

Today, I realised that the first guy I've dated in five years has ghosted me. It took a lot for me to agree to go on a couple of dates with him, and I thought they went really well. Apparently not, seeing as it's been over two weeks since he last texted. Self confidence = shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 154

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Brenden · 25 January 2021, 13:59 🌶️ Spicy

Sucker

Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 750

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c…… · 12 October 2021, 08:00

The planets made me do it

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

I agree, your life sucks 975 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 19 January 2023, 06:00 ·Netherlands

Correlation?

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 114

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John S. · 25 April 2021, 16:59

Seize the day

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 146

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The Asseverate · 25 December 2021, 20:01

Jingle Bells, Batman smells…

Today, I coughed so hard that I tore an intercostal muscle in my ribs. Now I can't cover my cough, as I have to cross my arms against my ribcage to stop the pain. FML, FML, F Me All Day Long (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells). FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 9 November 2020, 20:02

Welcome back!

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 107

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Anonymous · 6 July 2023, 15:00

Hold this for me

Today, a lady chased me through the mall because I wouldn’t babysit her kid while she shopped. I hate kids and don’t babysit, especially random ones, and especially not for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 101

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last night king · 28 May 2019, 18:09

The day after

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 3 059

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Anonymous · 2 April 2022, 04:00

Pushing the envelope

Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 186

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AwkwardNotCute · 6 April 2022, 04:00 ·Pomona, United States

Dating pool hell

Today, I tried instant online video dating for the first time, after not having much luck on other dating sites. The first date was kind of awkward, and "ended" with a kind of fade out and I could hear her chatting with someone else. "Hella awkward." Fair enough. "But was he cute? - No." FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 20 September 2020, 23:00 ·United States

Mr. Burns

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 535

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Anonymous · 26 May 2022, 02:00

Automation

Today, and the past few weeks, my dad has been leaving me notes around the house, accusing me of putting the heating on at 3 a.m. and to stop. Except I've not touched the heating for months, and denying it results in both parents screaming that I'm lying. It doesn't occur to them that he's just fucked up the smart schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 11 January 2021, 17:00 🌶️ Spicy

Mixed results

Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 284

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Vlad · 27 April 2022, 04:00 ·Wolfsburg, Germany

Bit of a headache

Today, I have Lyme's disease. I caught it because we used alcohol on the area before we removed the tick that caused it. Apparently, that makes ticks vomit. I'm sick because a tick puked into me. FML

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Anonymous · 5 August 2021, 16:01 ·Bangalore, India

Block-cocked

Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 142

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Anonymous · 6 March 2022, 16:00

Tales of the Unexpected

Today, due to some luck on my part and a really good stockbroker, I was able to retire quite comfortably at 45… at least until my wife told me she's pregnant, and as an added bonus, it’s twins. Now I need a job again, quite desperately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 526

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Ring-a-Ding-Ding · 19 December 2022, 12:00

Kevin Shields is here

Today, I woke up to find out that my tinnitus has suddenly worsened. I used to be able to just ignore it, but now it's ridiculous. Almost everyone says I'm "too young" to have it, especially this bad. I say those people can go fuck themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 123

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ParentingFail · 13 December 2022, 15:00

Dumbass

Today, my 18 year-old son threatened to sue a store because they refused to give him a senior discount, at which point he trashed the store in a blind rage, and got banned for life. That would make more sense if he was actually a senior, not a senior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 395

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Anonymous · 23 February 2022, 10:00

The final straw

Today, I asked my boyfriend of several months to post a picture of us. He deleted his Facebook instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974 You deserved it 287

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