By naas1201 - 28/11/2020 05:02 - China

Bigger cages! Longer chains!

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

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797

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Uninvolved

Furry family

By Anonyme - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25063

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35783

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By SocialAnxietySucks - United States - Houghton

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

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39210

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11874

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By Anonymous

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

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900

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1760

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By Anonymous - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

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28220

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3802

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By catlady'sdaughter - 3/7/2020 17:01

Needs more training

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

111

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By WTF - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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52813

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24469

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By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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32919

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5152

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By Marou - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25265

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11022

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By notabadserver - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20996

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1308

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By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

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951

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By bbbkingsey - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

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56745

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4348

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By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

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43710

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17228

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By Ca13b - United States

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

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47888

You deserved it

3923

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 22:56 - United States - Montpelier

Join the club

Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

915

You deserved it

264

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By axewoman

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

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35974

You deserved it

3685

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By randomgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

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34029

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14763

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By Wally - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26866

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3967

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29296

You deserved it

2278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

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49993

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3418

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By Melissa Barrios

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

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1612

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166

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By pantless - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

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8200

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10527

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By thedri11 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

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32596

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3689

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By Laurendorcus - France

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28303

You deserved it

4009

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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45108

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4040

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

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24119

You deserved it

4566

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By grandson of a p.o.s. - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

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40035

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2947

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By Sally19863 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36882

You deserved it

3051

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44695

You deserved it

3569

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By traumatised - United Kingdom

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46318

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2779

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31126

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5136

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By icanteven - United States - Florence

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

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51766

You deserved it

2907

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By SMV - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

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31696

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5884

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By Walker Alldredge - 15/9/2020 00:02 - United States - Ogden

Out of it

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1781

You deserved it

427

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By really? - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52890

You deserved it

4384

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By ZAS - United States

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

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57883

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3986

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

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1490

You deserved it

143

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By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39570

You deserved it

3854

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By Hairball - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22385

You deserved it

403482

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By raebelle - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36554

You deserved it

10732

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

It's not unusual

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

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682

You deserved it

252

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Top comments

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7954860 - Saturday 28 November 2020 14:55

After the first missed paycheck, you didn't have an issue?

By tabby cat tidbit | 7

#7954855 - Saturday 28 November 2020 14:39

sooooo, how long did you actually work?

COMMENTS

By tabby cat tidbit | 7

#7954855 - Saturday 28 November 2020 14:39

sooooo, how long did you actually work?

By rotflqtms_ | 18

#7954860 - Saturday 28 November 2020 14:55

After the first missed paycheck, you didn't have an issue?

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7954917 - Sunday 29 November 2020 1:57

Yikes!