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The all-time greatest FMLs

They're back, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 14:01

Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 135

Productivity at all costs

By Sick boi - 07/08/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 115

Late results

By ohbutno - 08/02/2022 18:01

Today, I found out that not only did I get the best blowjob of my life on New Year's Eve, I also got gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 561

Stiff Little Fingers

By Lunar-Spice - 03/08/2021 16:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I found out that the stiffness I've been feeling in my hand is arthritis and that it's only going to get worse. Not only do I type for my job, I'm also 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 79

Letting yourself go

By Anonymous - 13/06/2022 12:00

Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 147

Brave little boy

By Anonymous - 07/09/2022 11:30

Today, I was stuck in the ICU with my 10 month-old. They spent more than an hour and multiple pricks to get a vein for cannula. I had to endure and hold him down through all of it. Half and hour later, he promptly smeared poop all over his cannula bandage area during a diaper change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 149

Oh, hai Mark!

By SHAME! - 20/05/2019 16:02

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 2 055

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 734

The planets made me do it

By c…… - 12/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 75

Special case

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 13:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, and every time I meet a new therapist for support, I’m told that my issues are out of their scope of practice, and I get referred to someone who’s supposed to more experienced, and then get told the same thing. I’m too fucked up to even get the therapy I need to get better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 193

Mismanagement

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 02:00

Today, I'm ready to quit my job, because every time I've asked for a raise, it's gotten brushed over, every time there's a change in the schedule, I cover my lazy coworkers' jobs for them. My boss doesn't see anything wrong with this, so I'm actively looking for a new job, it's time to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 149

Serious business

By I really wish I was joking - 30/09/2023 12:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and called me a "cold, unfeeling bitch" because I wasn't "sad enough" over someone's death. Who died? A fictional character in the Dungeons And Dragons podcast we listen to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 107

Fuzzy logic

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 14:00

Today, I arrived home and it was freezing. I asked why the windows and doors on the terrace were open and my roommate told me it was because she'd mopped the floor… on the terrace. The terrace that's outdoors. She thinks that this way the floor would dry faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 105

Private freakout

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 00:00

Today, my sister ended punching my mother in the face. Blood just leaked everywhere and everything just went downhill. I'm so scared and traumatized from witnessing it. I can’t get the scene out of my head, can’t fall asleep, can’t stop crying, want to puke, want to yell. I just can’t anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 309

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 3 053

Trading places

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 136

Classic

By Singleagain - 10/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 141

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 06:00

Today, I realised I fit the stereotype of a lonely, bored housewife when I was more turned on by the plumber fixing the boiler than I have been by my husband in at least a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 365

J'ai rien compris

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 00:01

Today, my date dumped me after he took me to see a French language film and I was completely unable to follow the plot, or discuss the underlying philosophical and sociological themes and nuances afterwards. Apparently I’m not smart enough for him, which is just insulting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 243

The call of the wild

By Anonymous - 16/05/2022 20:00 - United States - Crown Point

Today, I went camping with my boyfriend. We were sleeping on a small slope. He got so drunk he peed in his sleep. I was downhill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 167

Know your worth

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 107

Major red flag

By Whybother - 15/10/2022 06:00

Today, the nutcase I was dating broke up with me because I don't want to open a shop with his broke ass using my lifelong saved money. He's now throwing all I told him in confidence back in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 132

Pretty much

By JustAScreen - 15/01/2022 19:59 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I was at a family birthday, and was excitingly telling my aunt about my new career in IT Security and Data Management. Her response was, "So you just look into a screen all day?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 162

Spending spree

By cheapskate supreme - 09/08/2023 00:02

Today, my husband guilt-tripped me for buying a $14 purse. According to him, my old one, with its busted zipper, frayed hems and holes in the interior, was still “perfectly good to hold all your crap.” I literally only have one purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 123

It was wild

By TheHangoverPart4 - 07/09/2022 00:30 - Australia - Waurn Ponds

Today, it was my daughter's 11th birthday party. One kid broke a vase, another lost a (baby) tooth, and two kids, including mine, tested positive for Covid. My kid parties harder than I ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 293

First time?

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 322

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Palos Heights

Today, it's been 3 months since I've been talking to a guy. He told me that he doesn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship. He likes me and would still like to have sex, but not ready right now for something serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 312

Road warrior

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 132

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 00:00

Today, via a situation too complicated to explain, I accidentally cost my boss almost 50,000, on the same day his wife asked for a divorce and his dog died. I’m almost too scared to tell him how I screwed up, in case it sends him completely off the deep end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 285

Don't give in!

By Pissed off and scammed. - 10/09/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend is still mad at me because I got a MINISO cup and she doesn't have one. I was actually given that mug yesterday as a prize for working the extra hours I was forced to do last week without getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 97

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The Top

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 524

You deserved it 118 287

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 313

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 772

You deserved it 6 147

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 126

You deserved it 733

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 2 198

Today, my sister had about 10 seconds of screen time as a nameless extra in a movie and mom won’t stop crying she’s so proud she saw one of her babies on the TV. I used to work for the BBC. I was on TV for minutes at a time, at least once a week, and she was never this proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 150