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The all-time greatest FMLs

Cut short

By Technomage - 27/03/2021 11:01

Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 73

Mismanagement

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 02:00

Today, I'm ready to quit my job, because every time I've asked for a raise, it's gotten brushed over, every time there's a change in the schedule, I cover my lazy coworkers' jobs for them. My boss doesn't see anything wrong with this, so I'm actively looking for a new job, it's time to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 149

This is America

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I have only been back at work for one week after elbow surgery, which was followed immediately by hospitalization for diabetic ketoacidosis, which caused a severe flare up of my gout. The hospital bill is over $3,200 with insurance, and I just tested positive for COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 146

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 00:00

Today, via a situation too complicated to explain, I accidentally cost my boss almost 50,000, on the same day his wife asked for a divorce and his dog died. I’m almost too scared to tell him how I screwed up, in case it sends him completely off the deep end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 287

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 13:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 143

Keep your distance

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 89

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 418

Serious business

By I really wish I was joking - 30/09/2023 18:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and called me a "cold, unfeeling bitch" because I wasn't "sad enough" over someone's death. Who died? A fictional character in the Dungeons And Dragons podcast we listen to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 109

The nerve of this guy

By Gigi - 04/05/2022 06:00

Today, my father accused me of not taking care of my 15-month-old son, who is putting on weight slowly because of starting to walk and run. Come on, for a man who sees his grandchildren two or three times a year and never gives his daughter a call, who gave him the courage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 131

Fuzzy logic

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 14:00

Today, I arrived home and it was freezing. I asked why the windows and doors on the terrace were open and my roommate told me it was because she'd mopped the floor… on the terrace. The terrace that's outdoors. She thinks that this way the floor would dry faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 105

Single life

By idk what to do - 04/03/2021 00:30

Today, I'm 22 year-old woman, and my entire family thinks something is wrong with me because I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to believe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 166

They're back, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 14:01

Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 135

Dude, stop arguing!

By Christ on a bike - 22/01/2023 00:00

Today, it was only after our third date, a random traffic stop by law enforcement, and a long, insane argument with the officers that I found out that the guy I've recently been getting to know is a Sovereign Citizen nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 175

Fishy

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is trying to get her ex-boyfriend to move up here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 83

Bit of an overreaction

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 16:00

Today, my girlfriend firmly believes that wild Karens should be classed as vermin, as proven when we met a screaming Karen in Starbucks and my girlfriend jumped straight in there and kicked her ass until she stopped screaming. I'm now waiting to pick her up at the police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 201

Trading places

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 136

The long goodbye

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 08:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I went to visit my grandmother for what will most likely be the final time. It has been 6 days since she has been allowed to eat or drink, and the doctors are sedating her. I walked in and gave her a hug. Her response? "I don't know who you are." Thank you late stage dementia for that final memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 150

Thanks, babe

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Moncton

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 124

J'ai rien compris

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 00:01

Today, my date dumped me after he took me to see a French language film and I was completely unable to follow the plot, or discuss the underlying philosophical and sociological themes and nuances afterwards. Apparently I’m not smart enough for him, which is just insulting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 245

Letting yourself go

By Anonymous - 13/06/2022 12:00

Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 149

Nutshot

By Unwilling Target - 03/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 173

Major red flag

By Whybother - 15/10/2022 06:00

Today, the nutcase I was dating broke up with me because I don't want to open a shop with his broke ass using my lifelong saved money. He's now throwing all I told him in confidence back in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 133

Pretty much

By JustAScreen - 15/01/2022 19:59 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I was at a family birthday, and was excitingly telling my aunt about my new career in IT Security and Data Management. Her response was, "So you just look into a screen all day?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 162

Spending spree

By cheapskate supreme - 09/08/2023 00:02

Today, my husband guilt-tripped me for buying a $14 purse. According to him, my old one, with its busted zipper, frayed hems and holes in the interior, was still “perfectly good to hold all your crap.” I literally only have one purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 124

First time?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 00:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 324

Road warrior

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 133

Special case

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 22:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, and every time I meet a new therapist for support, I’m told that my issues are out of their scope of practice, and I get referred to someone who’s supposed to more experienced, and then get told the same thing. I’m too fucked up to even get the therapy I need to get better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 194

Long road ahead

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 20:01

Today, I came out to one of my best friends as non-binary, and told him (with their permission) that some of our friends were trans. He told us that we were all idiots and refuses to accept us. We've known him since 3rd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 674

Don't give in!

By Pissed off and scammed. - 10/09/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend is still mad at me because I got a MINISO cup and she doesn't have one. I was actually given that mug yesterday as a prize for working the extra hours I was forced to do last week without getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 98

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 00:02

Today, my daughter got her first house. As soon as she had the keys, she turned on me, ranting at everything she thinks I’ve done to wrong her, and how she never wants to see me again. I don’t understand, I paid for all her furniture, and we still go on mother/daughter trips. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 276

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The Top

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 402

You deserved it 1 312

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 866

You deserved it 1 847

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 217

You deserved it 12 541

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 631

You deserved it 3 152

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 428

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 455