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The all-time greatest FMLs

Long walk home

By zoe - 15/07/2022 22:00

Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 221

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 335

Fundies and the truth

By Kyle - 19/04/2021 20:00 - United States - Westborough

Today, I was told by both my parents that I was going to hell and had a “terrorist mentality” because I said our archdiocese deserves to go bankrupt from all their abuse cases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 129

GHOSTS!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 05:01 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 94

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 166

It was bound to happen

By NOT THE KITTY - 29/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, and for the past week, my grandma has been talking about her oldest cat not living much longer. This morning, my mom called, and I could instantly tell by the inflection of her voice what had happened. I immediately, correctly, assumed that he had died… and then I got yelled at for being "pessimistic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 119

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 247

Oh, hai Mark!

By SHAME! - 20/05/2019 16:02

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 2 052

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 12:00

Today, it's currently 10:30am on a Thursday and my husband is already so drunk from his several “hair of the dogs” to cure his hangover from last night that he has passed out on the toilet. I had to lie to his boss that he has food poisoning just so he wouldn’t sack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 183

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 11:00

Today, my son had a screaming meltdown because I told him to clean his own room and that I refuse to be treated like his personal maid. He’s 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 376

Pray for me

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 14:00

Today, my wife is visiting her nana, which I hate because she comes home full of Catholic guilt, meaning I'll have to spend the next few months wasting my Sunday mornings in church, until her guilt wears off and her normal Sunday morning laziness resumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 299

School of hard knocks

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 10:00

Today, I'm 23 years-old and most of the people in my grade who I went to highschool with are taking vacations every month with their rich and supportive parents or their significant others. Some of them have never worked a job. I have to work every day just to make rent, and cut off my judgemental unsupportive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 227

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 176

Bad buzz

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 10:00

Today, I went to fix my porch light. I have called maintenance multiple times about it, but I finally decided to just fix it myself. There was a wasps' nest in the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 121

Kid A

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 14:01

Today, my adult son is visiting, sick on my couch with influenza A. He's spent all week screaming about how anti vaxxers are stupid, but admits that he didn't get a flu shot because, "they don't work." I got my flu shot and still got sick because I'm immunocompromised. He fails to see the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 209

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 3 042

Fishy

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is trying to get her ex-boyfriend to move up here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 82

Nocturnal emissions

By James - 16/11/2022 06:00 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 248

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 06:00

Today, I realised I fit the stereotype of a lonely, bored housewife when I was more turned on by the plumber fixing the boiler than I have been by my husband in at least a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 364

Do not feed the animals

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, after months of trying to get my Pomeranian to lose weight (the vet said she needed to lose 2kg), she was finally getting close to the goal. My cleaner came while I was at work. When I got home, I weighed my dog again, and she had put on 0.5kg, due to the cleaner not following the instructions not to feed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 191

The big C

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an offer for a job, and was going to receive the offer letter… only if I would postpone my oncologist appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 93

Thanks, babe

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 17:58 - Canada - Moncton

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 124

Sounds delightful

By Anonymous - 23/01/2023 17:30 - Australia

Today, a client came in to pay for her storage unit, and like every other time she comes in, she lifted up her shirt and practically showed me her boobs. This lady is in her 70s and is morbidly obese. Oh, and she also told me that the Nazis had the right idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 118

Supportive role

By Anonymous - 19/04/2023 00:00

Today, it was supposed to be date night but my sister's husband was taken to hospital, so I agreed to to babysit my nieces. My boyfriend went out drinking by himself because, “it’s not his fault I have nieces and can’t say no to my sister, so why should his night be ruined?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 451

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 05/06/2023 00:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, after dating a guy for weeks, it seemed that we had a lot in common; we also had great time and it started to get serious. Then out of the blue he went cold, told me that he's gonna have an operation, has 5% chance of dying so he doesn't want serious relationship, then ghosted me. He's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 152

Not worth our time

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 16:00

Today, my grandparents told me they couldn't make it to my college graduation, even with months in advance to plan, because they had their annual Mother's Day plans with friends. Plans they've had every year, and are further away. This was the only time I'll ever have a graduation ceremony. My grandpa is my last biological grandparent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 168

Roasted

By JPark - 23/09/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I deleted my account on social media and changed my name, all because I posted something hilariously inappropriate, and everybody laughed except one lady. My followers savagely jumped to my defense against this "one lady". I had to tell people to stop roasting my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 361

Voice over

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized anytime I try to say anything, relatives will talk over me, change the subject, or go off on tangents about ancient family history that I don't want to hear for the 1000th time. Yet if I interrupt them once, I'm the bad one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 104

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 142

Pulled a sneaky on you

By blank sheep at work - 01/03/2022 09:00 - United States - Richland

Today, I found out that my work threw me a birthday party alongside my coworker’s birthday. Said coworker spread a rumor, telling everyone that I wanted each person to buy me flowers and cake. Everyone thought that I was a weirdo for asking for those things from them. I wasn't at work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 100

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my biological mother, who abandoned me at the hospital the day I was born, turned up at my son's birthday party, demanding my bone marrow to treat some disease she has. When I outright refused, she tried to ask my son for his marrow to, “save granny’s life”. He’s 5 and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 137

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 985

You deserved it 6 696

Today, I called my usual babysitter, one of the few people who can handle my difficult kids, to ask her to watch them for a night next week. She refused. It turns out my wife has been repeatedly underpaying her and she's fed up with it. So long date nights, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 403

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 302

You deserved it 5 150

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 209

You deserved it 37 392

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 071

You deserved it 9 870