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The all-time greatest FMLs

Creeps everywhere

By Anonymous - 06/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Crestline

Today, and every time go I to the gym this guy follows me. A week ago, I saw him taking photos of me, so I left that gym and went to another one, but the creep was still there. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 129

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 00:00

Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 177

Love is love

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 22:00

Today, I'm a queer woman who's been in love for two years with my straight Muslim female friend. If she ever found out about my interest in her, she'd probably be disgusted. It also doesn't help that my homophobic/racist/xenophobic/islamophobic Catholic family would disown me if they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 401

A tad harsh

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 12:00

Today, as punishment for peeing on the toilet seat, my dad told my son Santa isn’t real and nor is the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 247

Rabbit hole

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 17:00 - United States - Big Lake

Today, after falling down an incredibly expansive DNA test rabbit hole, I found out that my first girlfriend was actually related to me. I can’t believe I’ve lived what I always thought was a disgusting and unrealistic porn trope: teen lesbian incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 295

Slippery season

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally slipped on a wet floor at my local mall after copious amounts of snow. There was no sign. I accidentally hit a lady trying to help me when falling backwards and gave her a bloody nose. I am now banned from the mall for two weeks and told I was lucky she didn’t press charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 901

Infrastructure bill

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 02:00

Today, I ran over a pothole that was so small it barely qualified as a hole, more like a dent than a hole, but somehow it was still enough to completely crack the rim of my tire and made me 3 hours late to work. I get paid by the hour, so this will hurt my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 170

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 13:00

Today, it's been 14 years since at our wedding my now-husband lost the wedding ring, and we had to rush to buy another, which delayed the wedding and cost us our honeymoon flight and thousands of extra pounds. I just got his old suit out to dry clean. The missing ring was in its box, in his jacket. I'm going to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 268

Economy 101

By cheap bastard! - 13/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, instead of thinking he should try to get a higher-paying job (like I did) my husband decided to come up with some money saving ideas. Almost all of them include being unhygienic, such as weekly showers, wiping dishes, and only washing clothes after 5 or more wears. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 170

This is actual irony, Alanis

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 04:00 - Belgium - Tamines

Today, I'm starting to have a chlorine sensitivity. I'm a swimming teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 77

Force of habit, or just mean?

By leogs23 - 02/03/2021 20:01

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 84

The Psychopath Test

By ji. - 28/09/2021 17:00

Today, I caught my two-year-old son dragging his baby sister, by the hair, with a smile on his face. My husband still believes there’s a possibility our son isn’t a psychopath because, and I quote, “He’s only two.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 381

Nice

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 02:00

Today, I sent a spicy picture to my husband, since postpartum depression hit me really hard after having 3 babies, and made me hate myself. Thought I did real good, but all I got in response was a “Nice.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 312

Jaywalking?

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 16:01

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, I was hit by a daycare van. After going to the police to complain, I was given a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 113

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 00:00

Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 306

Your future, our clutter

By I have questions - 21/05/2023 15:00

Today, my daughters announced they had big news. They had a whole presentation saying they wanted our entire family to go vegan. When I told them, as gently as I could, that that was never happening, they burst into tears, screaming, "The planet is burning! Meat is killing us all!" They're 11 and 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 458

I'm in this FML and I don't like it

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 06:00

Today, my son has decided he doesn’t want children, or pets, or friends, or a girlfriend, or to visit his living relatives, except for me. I’m scared that once I’m dead he’ll disappear into his house and never come out until the neighbours notice the smell after he’s dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 446

Dave, don't stick your knob in beehives!

By Pinsky - 01/08/2022 00:00

Today, I got stung by a bee on the tip top of my penis. No one understands why I am limping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 366

Road rage

By Anonymous - 15/05/2023 22:00

Today, my dad is such an asshole, he pulled out into traffic because he was too impatient to wait, which is how we ended up in the middle of a funeral for 5 miles, right behind the hearse. It was the funeral of a friend's dad and now I have 87 missed calls from her, and I’m too scared to answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 144

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 249

Consequences

By you’re one to talk! - 26/06/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need lessons on how to be a mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 117

Hiding something?

By Carolina - 16/08/2023 14:00

Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 228

Concerned parent

By trying - 24/09/2023 22:30 - United States

Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 213

Solidarity

By CockroachDinner - 26/12/2022 12:00

Today, after I continued repairs on the home of a hoarder family member, guess which one of us wasn't invited to the family dinner… FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 120

They're much more fun

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 14:00

Today, my wife and I had our first night without kids in 15 years, at a friend's wedding. In the middle of a song, while we were dancing, she left me to go dance with her new "gay best friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 154

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 10:58 - United States - Verona

Today, I had to place under the carpet another patch of 1/4" plywood over another broken spot in the hardwood floor. My not-so-flatmate refuses to anything about her morbid obesity, and will definitely cost us our deposit when the landlady finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 218

Bad day?

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 11:01

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 316

Seek help?

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 09:00 - United States - Forest Grove

Today, everything I eat makes me sick, so I don't know what to eat anymore now. My BMI is low and I'm absolutely starving. I can't even eat rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 130

Scapegoat

By anondad - 22/07/2022 12:00 - Philippines - Talisay

Today, I thought I'd start my day bright and positive but then people around me started blaming me for almost anything that's not going well for them, like missing pictures, dirty house, and even stains in the kitchen but I don't have anything to do with any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 173

Great expectations

By trustworthy friend - 22/12/2022 12:00

Today, the guy I’ve been hanging out with and crushing on told me we now know each other well enough to be completely open with each other. I was excited, thinking our mild flirtations would finally go further. He just wanted me to know he’s gay, and asked me if I knew any single guys for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 199

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The Top

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 539

You deserved it 481

Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 118

Today, I had a substitute for science and I was standing at the stationary table when some other guy came over and made the thing wobble. The whole thing fell over and I got all the blame. Then I was sitting with my friends at lunch but another friend came back right when my crush was gonna sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 150

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 563

You deserved it 2 459

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 223

You deserved it 3 863

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 896

You deserved it 3 529