Facebook political debates

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 27

Facebook political debates

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 91

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The one with the asshole friend

The virus claims another victim

20/09/2012 16:50

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 064

You deserved it 2 236

01/07/2009 22:26

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 953

You deserved it 57 201

11/12/2014 21:47

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 141

You deserved it 5 213

03/07/2010 19:26

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 764

You deserved it 14 246

16/01/2011 19:27

Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 329

You deserved it 4 636

Office embarrassment

By mog - 07/11/2019 08:00

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 844

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 18:01

Today, my mom sent me to a counselor she knew "through the church" so that I could get some stressors off my chest. Worst idea ever. This "counselor" invalidated everything I had to say and basically told me to pray the issues away, all while completely ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 84

02/06/2009 15:33

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 922

You deserved it 25 568

04/09/2009 05:15

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 903

You deserved it 5 639

Money!

By Sheezey - 24/02/2009 23:14

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 6 757

15/09/2009 02:56

Today, I asked my dad to pick me up from school, he said he couldn't. Why? he was busy playing world of warcraft for the night. I got to walk the 3 hours home while my 49 year old dad played computer games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 885

You deserved it 4 816

10/08/2015 00:37

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 718

You deserved it 2 524

29/08/2015 05:09

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 584

You deserved it 19 788

Great, some ice cream!

By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00

Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 185

13/07/2016 17:35

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 204

You deserved it 1 939

11/09/2013 18:10

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 086

You deserved it 10 030

14/05/2011 05:07

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 986

You deserved it 4 693

01/03/2013 18:22

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 2 805

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 557

You deserved it 2 590

07/05/2009 16:52

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 348

You deserved it 17 794

29/01/2017 13:00

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 563

You deserved it 438

08/06/2015 13:35

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 5 296

Bye bye, then

By emzymcsmiles - 08/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learnt that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 327

22/09/2009 23:36

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 936

You deserved it 3 187

24/05/2019 22:00

Today, I overheard the popular kids say that they were planning on going to the local fast food restaurant to take pictures of the obese people that go there. Not only do I work there, but my family and I were planning on having dinner there tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 314

01/02/2009 10:27

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 287

You deserved it 8 039

17/05/2013 21:16

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 235

You deserved it 14 642

01/08/2015 17:17

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 2 068

04/11/2015 03:24

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 646

You deserved it 1 784

30/05/2014 22:33

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 620

You deserved it 4 711

Hangry

By JoanT - 20/10/2020 11:08

Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 176

Red flags popping up all over the place

By Jackie - 01/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that his best friend of 10 years is giving him the silent treatment because he told her he's in a relationship. He's become a depressed wreck. When I asked him if he's secretly in love with her or something, he flipped a table over and told me to, "mind my own fucking business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 116

31/12/2010 19:03

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 249

You deserved it 4 464

29/09/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 255

16/04/2018 19:00

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 785

You deserved it 247

27/07/2015 03:00

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 740

You deserved it 1 745

06/09/2010 17:02

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 101

You deserved it 38 883

05/07/2015 01:48

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 932

You deserved it 3 505

23/07/2013 14:49

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 767

You deserved it 8 550

03/04/2009 00:37

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 776

You deserved it 10 689

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Top comments

fireblazes 11

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Saturday 17 October 2020 16:16

Trumper?

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 17 October 2020 18:18

Is he a QAnon guy?

Comments

lev 11

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Saturday 17 October 2020 15:31

these political arguments are why I don't open Facebook any more.

samomaha 17

Saturday 17 October 2020 16:26

Me too, Lev. FB is just not worth all the arguments and attacks. I'm told by friends that this year has been excrutiatingly painful there.

fireblazes 11

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Saturday 17 October 2020 16:16

Trumper?

Bogrbon 24

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Saturday 17 October 2020 17:20

People like your dad are why you should never read the comment section online. (As I post this in the comments section.)

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 18 October 2020 0:41

Yes, but when there's a good chance that one of my golden comments is going to be there, it's worth the risk!

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 17 October 2020 18:18

Is he a QAnon guy?

genuinegoodguy 9

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Sunday 18 October 2020 0:54

Is your father the British Prime Minister?

uniformed 13

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Sunday 18 October 2020 1:57

sorry you're father is a Democrat.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 18 October 2020 10:23

Probably. We all know what Republicans eat for breakfast. Look at Mitch McConnell's smile.

kfchicken 31

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Sunday 18 October 2020 4:26

everyone is being so judgemental or associating him with a political party. bunch of poo eaters smh

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 19 October 2020 0:50

Tell your dad I fart in his general direction.