Facebook political debates

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 106

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Same thing different taste

By IceWrath - 16/08/2015 08:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 2 418

By fugachumi - 07/08/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 832

You deserved it 3 513

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 173

You deserved it 54 736

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 169

By fuck you dad - 30/03/2013 18:17 - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 507

You deserved it 55 550

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 916

You deserved it 35 946

By huwauw - 17/09/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 979

You deserved it 7 319

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 731

You deserved it 7 478

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 432

You deserved it 1 116

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 072

You deserved it 6 589

Bogrbon 27

Saturday 17 October 2020 17:20

People like your dad are why you should never read the comment section online. (As I post this in the comments section.)

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 18 October 2020 0:41

Yes, but when there's a good chance that one of my golden comments is going to be there, it's worth the risk!

Comments

lev 11

Saturday 17 October 2020 15:31

these political arguments are why I don't open Facebook any more.

samomaha 17

Saturday 17 October 2020 16:26

Me too, Lev. FB is just not worth all the arguments and attacks. I'm told by friends that this year has been excrutiatingly painful there.

Bogrbon 27

Saturday 17 October 2020 17:20

People like your dad are why you should never read the comment section online. (As I post this in the comments section.)

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 18 October 2020 0:41

Yes, but when there's a good chance that one of my golden comments is going to be there, it's worth the risk!

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 17 October 2020 18:18

Is he a QAnon guy?

genuinegoodguy 9

Sunday 18 October 2020 0:54

Is your father the British Prime Minister?

uniformed 13

Sunday 18 October 2020 1:57

sorry you're father is a Democrat.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 18 October 2020 10:23

Probably. We all know what Republicans eat for breakfast. Look at Mitch McConnell's smile.

kfchicken 31

Sunday 18 October 2020 4:26

everyone is being so judgemental or associating him with a political party. bunch of poo eaters smh

BurnInDemonFire 33

Monday 19 October 2020 0:50

Tell your dad I fart in his general direction.

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 260

You deserved it 14 933

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 905

You deserved it 74 251

The Top

Today, I fell over and obviously tried to grab the nearest object to stop myself. It was my boss's skirt, and both my head and the skirt hit the floor at the same time. I can now confirm my boss goes commando and is a natural redhead, and also I’m suspended pending a HR investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 330

Today, I came home from work to hear loud moans coming from the room that my husband and I share. I barged in and both he and this girl are scrambling around the room. He’s a music teacher and claimed he was giving her vocal lessons. That would make more sense had they both not been half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 828

You deserved it 13 183

Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 266

Today, I had to stay at a friend's house because my dryer caught fire. My friend decided to start cleaning, so he put on his music playlist. By sheer coincidence, the first song that played was "Light My Fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 145

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he becomes insatiably horny whenever he hears "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley. It turns out that was the song on the radio when he was losing his virginity, when he was 16, with his sister. He insists it’s not weird because their parents are half-siblings. I can’t even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 271