Today, I was playing Pokémon Go and I was trying to take a picture of my Pokémon when a woman said, "Are you filming me?" really angrily at me. "No, I'm playing Pokémon go," I said, then tried to show her my Pokémon but it disappeared from the screen, and she said, "You ARE filming me." FML
Today, I found out the job temp agency that got me my new job still hasn't setup my orientation from two weeks ago. When I called the actual job to speak to the supervisor, they told me they had never heard of me. I turned down two other job offers, paying slightly better, because this was my dream job getting into healthcare. FML
Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML
Today, my husband is refusing to go to a gastroenterologist. His farts have gotten so rank, they could be used as weapon to extract info from political prisoners, but he still insists nothing is wrong. Another night of this and I’ll be sleeping outside in in 30°F weather. FML
Today, the same person who tried to OD, threatens suicide monthly, and threatens to off people almost daily, called the state police on me because I had a PTSD episode. FML
Today, once again, my partner is screaming at me for something that I have done and, as usual, she won't tell what it was, only that, "You know what you did," and, as usual, I have no idea. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML
Today, my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me because she read the horoscope and it stated that people of the Aquarius sign are toxic and emotionally volatile. I am Aquarius and did nothing wrong to my friends or family as far as I can recall. FML
Today, I discovered that it is not, in fact, normal for ones hands to randomly stop working sometimes. I thought I was just clumsy. FML
Today, it was the day that I had been waiting for weeks to arrive: I finally finished the hiring process for my new job… Only to find out not only my paycheck, but the job itself was fake. Thanks Indeed, my first new bank account after years of debt, my disability, and my will to live greatly appreciate it. FML
Today, I had a rough day and just let it all out while I was gaming. A random stranger actually replied to me, genuinely concerned, and I proceeded to vent about all my problems. It was only after they left that I realized a random stranger on the Internet now cares more about my mental health than my own family. FML
Today, I was supposed to leave for Switzerland for a month, to see my boyfriend whom I haven't seen for over 6 months. Unfortunately, I broke my leg three days ago and I now I need to stay home and get surgery. FML
Today, my husband told me that the only reason he took up jogging 4 years ago was because my mother moved in next door to us and he knew it would kill my sex drive. We haven’t had sex in 4 years. FML
Today, my girlfriend was finally in the mood, when all of a sudden I start hearing loud demands for Elmo. By the time I got the movie started for my son, my girlfriend was completely asleep, in her négligée. FML
Today, I was suspended from my job for missing a team meeting that was planned during my lunch time. Needless to say, nobody had told me. FML
Today, after three interviews, I accepted an offer for my dream job and submitted my notice. The company called me to say they couldn't contact my referees and have now withdrawn the offer. I'm now officially unemployed. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, who confirmed I have a minor infection 'down there'. It’s not sexually transmitted, but since there were no obvious symptoms, he asked how I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell him my husband was going down on me and noticed it tasted different from normal. FML
Today, our anniversary, is a disaster. The restaurant gave away our table, even though we were early, and the hotel we’d booked for three nights had a burst pipe, so we had to sleep in the only other hotel, which was so seedy the deskman openly assumed we were two cheaters meeting for a quick fuck. FML
Today, during my online class, I was answering my professor's question when my older sister slammed open the door to loudly say, "WHAT'S UP CHICKEN FUCKER?" My class heard. I hate online school. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend was watching an online video by some vegan girl with a bad fringe talking about bulk buying food to stay healthy. My immediate remark was, "Bulk buy a new fringe, bitch." It went very quiet before my girlfriend replied, "That's my sister." FML
Today, the line for the bathroom on my flight was so long that the passenger next to me couldn't hold it any longer, so he just let it all loose in his pants. FML
Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Today, I’m considering a divorce. My father-in-law has never liked me and is very vocal about that, names like "bastard" and "prick" are common. My wife is normally very headstrong and takes no nonsense, but she lets him treat me this way so she must agree with him. The wedding was only a year ago. FML
Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML
Today, I told my mom I wanted to see a doctor, because I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I told her I was so sad, I didn’t shower for 4 days. Her response? “I don’t believe that. You’ve always had great hygiene!” Duh, I’m not myself lately! Thanks for noticing. FML
Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML
Today, I've been bedridden for 2 weeks. My mother, a very busy woman who lives 30 minutes away, took me to the doctor's office, which is barely 2 minutes across town. Turns out I have strep, and a bad ear infection. My loving boyfriend of 6 years, who lives with me, just told me to take a hot shower and I'd feel better. FML
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