Guess the FML

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

Videos

Sorry…

Worst workplace ever

The Teaching Life

By Anonymous

Littered

1298

231

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

By TheCrossingChick - United States

14628

28793

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

By holiday from hell - United States - Ridgewood

40154

3674

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

By foojew93 - United States

48193

3796

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

By notasgood - United States

All in the family

39378

3317

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Landlords are scum

2409

137

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

By Lee - United States

54738

4110

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

By CallmeTokey

6618

15160

Today, I passed by a cute girl who was staring intensely at me. When I glanced in her direction, she smiled. Taking this as a positive sign, I approached her. Before I could say anything, she handed me a flyer explaining the benefits of STD testing. Apparently, I look like I need it. FML

By Teste - Spain

30571

3625

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

39518

5615

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

By sadlysingle - United States - Rockwall

42584

5947

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

By naps aren't what they used to be - United States

43020

25892

Today, I argued with my mom that I deserved enough independence to ride my bike to school. Halfway there, I realized I was so out of shape that I had to call her for a ride. FML

By couch potato

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

492

1694

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

3244

790

Today, my obnoxious neighbor once again bragged how much she gets from the government because she’s "too fat to work." Meanwhile, I had to start a gofundme after I couldn't afford dialysis from having to cut work hours so I could go to dialysis. FML

By poor - United States

Childish Gambino voice This is America

2118

136

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

By Skido - United States

57403

9005

Today, my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he hadn't "popped" the question. I've just spent the last 2 months helping him plan the perfect proposal. FML

By Sadtimes - United Kingdom

51725

3712

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

By butimarealbear - United States

35604

3242

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

By Math_Rocker - United States

22278

35062

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

By The Joker? - United States

32830

3449

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

By How? - United States - Glasford

2943

190

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

By Qwerty - Australia

34922

5268

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

By gpistas - United States

39729

2998

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

By TooLoud - United States - Moorpark

45874

2971

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

By eiregal2 - Ireland - Cork

Butterfingers

1335

167

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

By carboat - United States

19325

44630

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

37562

3327

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

By Kilika - United States

70384

3806

Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML

By Thescarlettfox - 17/9/2020 16:58

Now Playing

957

105

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

30513

3148

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

By Anonymous - United States

29141

6632

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

By BirthdayTeeth - United Arab Emirates

54928

4234

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

By Anonymous - 1/7/2020 20:08

All weddings are themed

1809

212

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

By so scared - Canada - Barrie

46556

6183

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Bliss

30906

3385

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

By Anonymous - United States

21093

119501

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

By Anonymous - Italy - Cervignano Del Friuli

27895

2229

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

By sunshinexx - Australia

19785

4330

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

By OiVey - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

3238

1526

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

By Today - United States

35226

6567