By Anonymous

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

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Dangling modifier

Dementia or hate? You decide

Start worrying

By Nic - United States

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8609

You deserved it

41122

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8474

You deserved it

11204

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By werewolfoflondon - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28511

You deserved it

2870

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By gerligrl97 - United States

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55941

You deserved it

12664

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By Anonymous

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1984

You deserved it

265

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By lea5459 - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24593

You deserved it

3413

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By Angus - France

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37853

You deserved it

2643

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By Anonymous

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4508

You deserved it

323

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By allinicolesmh - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35175

You deserved it

2687

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By Rita - France

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31271

You deserved it

6273

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10135

You deserved it

40429

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By Anna - United States - New York

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51235

You deserved it

3204

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By SarahNB - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40994

You deserved it

16535

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By rhcp007 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3313

You deserved it

279

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35855

You deserved it

6999

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23081

You deserved it

8466

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2021 00:01

Burning rubber

Today, I bought a car that literally caught fire seconds after I started the engine. The dealership then fobbed me off, saying I'd driven it off their forecourt (by about 3 yards), so it was entirely my problem, but they still expect my monthly payments to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

715

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By corgi problems - 15/9/2020 20:05

Doggy dog world

Today, I walked into my house after my nightshift as a nurse and my corgi had the house turned upside down, with things everywhere. I have people coming to look at the house in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1103

You deserved it

246

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By Iahim

The truth

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend. I said, “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2261

You deserved it

655

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By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25802

You deserved it

4038

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By now sharing the blessing - United States - New York

Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3058

You deserved it

152

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By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33726

You deserved it

3143

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By cockblocked - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14844

You deserved it

23816

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By thedogkisser - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12076

You deserved it

84030

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Ungrateful

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1008

You deserved it

136

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37104

You deserved it

3349

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By Jacky-Boy - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44375

You deserved it

7424

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By ayye_its_nikki - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38471

You deserved it

21300

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30894

You deserved it

5742

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By BadgerSpirit - United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15845

You deserved it

43713

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By Iamdisappointed - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68670

You deserved it

5942

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62979

You deserved it

6108

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

131

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By fuck you retail - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51495

You deserved it

4513

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By Cowgirl_Up37 - United States

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12796

You deserved it

47937

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By faeliality - United States

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22646

You deserved it

1343

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By ihatebadkids - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2064

You deserved it

250

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34649

You deserved it

5890

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By georgiaswish - United Kingdom

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54908

You deserved it

3818

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By denae92

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

190

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890419 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 17:03

Well, you were there and property got damaged.

Your mom must be some kind of super-sleuth to establish such an obvious cause-and-effect relationship.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890419 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 17:03

Well, you were there and property got damaged.

Your mom must be some kind of super-sleuth to establish such an obvious cause-and-effect relationship.