Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving... - FML

By Ladyfarquard - 21/07/2019 04:03

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 527

Leave us alone

Our house, in the middle of our street

Good kid

By janice - 03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 7 692

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 01:16 - New Zealand

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 955

You deserved it 9 259

By risingtide - 20/11/2018 15:30

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking the wrong metro twice, only to find out that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 1 145

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 302

You deserved it 4 246

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 411

You deserved it 2 372

Chill the fuck out, Todd

By itsdezzz - 09/03/2016 23:43 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 1 349

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 15:00

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 801

You deserved it 406

By sad as shit - 01/01/2016 00:41 - United States - Conway

Today, my life finally seemed to be getting on track after recovering from major depression, paying off most of my debt, and scoring an amazing job. And then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 644

You deserved it 2 145

By Pukey - 28/03/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 544

You deserved it 2 182

By fleur_de_fevrier - 21/12/2008 15:36 - Ireland

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 113

You deserved it 24 071

By mr_flarpin - 22/08/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 217

You deserved it 7 519

By maxiflouf - 28/12/2008 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

You deserved it 2 913

By ThePidgeon - 19/10/2009 18:36 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 105

You deserved it 7 737

By twinArmageddon2 - 15/04/2014 06:04 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 289

You deserved it 11 265

You can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, my parents still won't let me drive in the dark. I'm 30 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 441

By lovingpsychosis - 26/05/2011 07:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 031

You deserved it 3 834

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 585

You deserved it 7 308

By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/02/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 2 026

By TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 314

You deserved it 8 600

By ctschantz - 06/10/2010 14:29 - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 733

You deserved it 13 485

By adrenochrome - 09/02/2009 09:21 - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 43 147

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 285

You deserved it 2 126

To make an omelette

By EggyBum - 26/01/2010 01:41 - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 091

You deserved it 30 469

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 728

You deserved it 13 724

By friskeyk14 - 04/10/2011 07:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 661

You deserved it 19 064

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 20:25 - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 558

You deserved it 3 156

By SucksToBeMe - 28/09/2009 18:31 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 495

You deserved it 118 030

Thanks, I guess

By whut - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 652

You deserved it 3 115

By jshsnan - 04/10/2015 23:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while trying to calm down my four-year-old son who had a tantrum in a store, a man walked up to me and said, "You couldn't have worn the condom?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 523

You deserved it 5 395

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 892

You deserved it 6 907

By Eric Moore - 25/09/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 520

You deserved it 3 944

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 20:30

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 118

By Benji - 22/01/2009 12:06 - France

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 510

You deserved it 65 185

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 12:42 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 076

You deserved it 46 060

By Username - 29/05/2019 12:15

Today, my brother announced his engagement. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor. My ex, who told me after five years of dating that he didn't believe in marriage, is going to be the Best Man. I get to walk down the aisle with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 144

By DogThermoeter - 10/03/2019 18:00

Today, I took my temperature since I've had a cold for a few days. After reading the display, I noticed the sheath had "Lily" written on it. Lily is our golden retriever. It was in her ass yesterday after she had a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 1 475

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 230

By wow - 05/05/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 386

You deserved it 3 442

By anonymous - 12/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 094

You deserved it 28 684

By epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 399

You deserved it 216

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Callyn 47

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 4:06

You're not allowed to control any vehicle while drunk. Biking or Boating count. Probably horses as well. You should know this and not put people in danger while you are drunk. This is no one's fault but your own.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 6:28

“Drink driving?” I think you’re drunk FMLing.

Comments

Callyn 47

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 4:06

You're not allowed to control any vehicle while drunk. Biking or Boating count. Probably horses as well. You should know this and not put people in danger while you are drunk. This is no one's fault but your own.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 15:08

Horses should't count; they can control themselves and know the way to their barn, so you can basically sleep in the carriage behind and let them do their job.

Charlie Coffman_1920149595 18

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 15:29

lawfully anything that touches a road in the USA is in fact considered a "motored" vehicle and therefore a horse is considered a vehicle

Callyn 47

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 16:27

They do react to their riders, though, and a drunk rider is going to make them nervous and significantly more dangerous.

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 4:20

Were you sitting in it?

Henry8cooper 15

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 5:18

I hope it was worth it - in any case you probably deserve it

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 5:42

Merely sitting in the driver's seat (even w/o keys) while drunk is enough to get charged because by sitting there, you've signified that you're taking control of said vehicle and assuming all pertinent responsibilities. Instead, hide the keys under a seat and sit on the passenger side. When questioned, inform the police officer that you're waiting for the driver to return. That's how to legally "sleep it off" before driving home w/o repercussions.

Traveling_Book 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 July 2019 9:41

Sound advice, but do you think someone that needs to sleep it off is gonna be coherent enough to remember that?

evilplatypus 38

Send a private message

Thursday 25 July 2019 22:33

I have every time I’ve been too plastered to drive.

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 5:42

I know in NY/NJ if a Cop sees you come out from a bar/club you can be charged with intent to drink and drive. Same goes if you have beer in your back seat or any alcohol that's easily opened. Really more info needs to be given.

Send a private message

Monday 22 July 2019 1:13

You’re crazy country

Send a private message

Monday 22 July 2019 1:15

In Germany, you can even drink a Beer while driving. As long you don’t have more than 0,3‰ in blood

rgkkk 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 November 2019 20:13

But Germany is not the country of freedom, don't you forget it :)

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 6:28

“Drink driving?” I think you’re drunk FMLing.

Matt Grasser 10

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 11:41

They call it drink driving in UK and Australia

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 15:05

That’s what it’s called in the commonwealth countries.

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 15:07

Drink driving is correct for speakers of British style English.

Azzz 4

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 12:18

I always put in mind that no matter if it is my car or not, it is not allowed to have any driving after drinking alcohol. Any threat to life’s is not allowed!

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 21 July 2019 12:40

Let me guess, behind the wheel of the vehicle ready to drive or appearing ready to drive when the police tested you before you pulled away?

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 13:30

you were probably too drunk to remember driving the car

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 18:18

is that even legal?

Send a private message

Sunday 21 July 2019 20:41

You can be charged with a DUI if there is a chance for you to be in operation of a vehicle. Even if you're in the backseat of your car with the keys and the car turned off, there is reasonable expectation that you could get into the front and turn the car on. DUIs are largely based on "are you drunk and can you become operational of a vehicle", not just "are you drunk and driving a vehicle".

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 883

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 1 083