By Alyssa - United States - Macon

Dirty girl

Today, at church, while everyone was shaking hands and saying, “Peace be with you” to one another, a man took out hand sanitizer and washed his hands after he shook mine. And only mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

Proactive

There's no helping some people

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By jaeilssanguh - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26925

You deserved it

6118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47438

You deserved it

7057

Tweet

Share

By billjoebob424 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20566

You deserved it

1770

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35699

You deserved it

3957

Tweet

Share

By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63124

You deserved it

2805

Tweet

Share

By PoopTart - United States

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59073

You deserved it

14773

Tweet

Share

By disgruntled

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23210

You deserved it

1498

Tweet

Share

By TheLemon - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7772

You deserved it

548

Tweet

Share

By gman

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3910

You deserved it

451

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40571

You deserved it

3645

Tweet

Share

By emily - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46724

You deserved it

3230

Tweet

Share

By Zkroger - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54861

You deserved it

5008

Tweet

Share

By RatQuiRit

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57682

You deserved it

15875

Tweet

Share

By Oops - United States

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37506

You deserved it

14876

Tweet

Share

By ilovedirt - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34249

You deserved it

3745

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3886

You deserved it

474

Tweet

Share

By joe1234 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48763

You deserved it

9705

Tweet

Share

By Reggie - 28/10/2020 13:58 - United States - Tahlequah

Masterchef 2020

Today, I went to make chilli and instead of just using 3 cups of water like the recipe called for, I ended up using 3 quarts somehow. Now I have a pot of hot and spicy meat water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

388

You deserved it

1145

Tweet

Share

By blank - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35443

You deserved it

6357

Tweet

Share

By atsukobo - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26589

You deserved it

4813

Tweet

Share

By ulring - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25352

You deserved it

7477

Tweet

Share

By pissfaced - New Zealand

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9104

You deserved it

73196

Tweet

Share

By curvster daughter - United States

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44282

You deserved it

6928

Tweet

Share

By miseventshappen - United States

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41557

You deserved it

4985

Tweet

Share

By Fox_Undercover - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17347

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2938

Tweet

Share

By ananomoose - United States

Rush job

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11644

You deserved it

93398

Tweet

Share

By 42 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42655

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Parkesburg

For real though?

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7316

You deserved it

644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymus - Canada - Warkworth

Money first

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1807

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By alucas3 - United States

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12297

You deserved it

1082

Tweet

Share

By IngenuityAbsent - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33166

You deserved it

4730

Tweet

Share

By Godhelpme - United States - Houston

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50188

You deserved it

4667

Tweet

Share

By istillcannotbreathe

Genius.

Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2850

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10335

You deserved it

31306

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25060

You deserved it

42914

Tweet

Share

By shikushiku - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14270

You deserved it

959

Tweet

Share

By superclutz - United States

Oh, hello…

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37365

You deserved it

21084

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

3090

Tweet

Share

By heartbroken - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks

78542

You deserved it

4506

Tweet

Share

By bad luck skier - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49868

You deserved it

3480

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Alup132 | 22

#7837170 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 4:03

Were you the last person he touched? It makes sense to wait until touching everyone if that’s what he did.

By ticklebeard30 | 7

#7837179 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 5:33

he knows whst you do with that hand

COMMENTS

By Alup132 | 22

#7837170 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 4:03

Were you the last person he touched? It makes sense to wait until touching everyone if that’s what he did.

Reply

LostSoul | 19

#7837546 - Thursday 29 August 2019 1:40

That was my thought. People usually wait until the end to use it.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7837176 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 5:13

Are you sure it was hand sanitizer and not actually lube?

You might have put the devil in him, you dirty girl! He'll have to beat it out!

By ticklebeard30 | 7

#7837179 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 5:33

he knows whst you do with that hand

By Wadlaen | 19

#7837308 - Wednesday 28 August 2019 14:25

Are you a dirty little girl...?

By J15237 | 23

#7866307 - Thursday 12 December 2019 2:36

People are weird. I wouldn't worry about it.