Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of... - FML

By TMI - 5/8/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

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Headache

You snooze, you lose

Billy no-mates

By mainche - 20/1/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

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By LightsOut - 3/5/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

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By anonymous - 25/7/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

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By LH0026 - 6/8/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

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By Great. - 22/2/2013 22:32 - Brazil - Belo Horizonte

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

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By anonymous - 24/10/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

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By Peter80 - 3/3/2009 14:55 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? - 31/5/2013 22:25 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

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By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2018 01:30

Today, for the first time in years, I worked up the nerve to ask a work friend if they wanted to hang out sometime. They winced, and said they were busy that day. I hadn't specified a day. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By Scabby - 11/4/2012 09:53 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

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By IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry - 13/2/2013 04:57 - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

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By Noname - 16/1/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By Noname - 18/3/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

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By loverpants - 14/8/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

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By anonymous - 29/3/2012 15:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

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By WamBamSam - 21/11/2012 09:54 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

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By 16590 - 15/6/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

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By poop - 3/4/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

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By DogStew - 25/9/2019 00:01

Objects in the rear-view mirror

Today, my obsession with my mean ex-girlfriend returned. It ended 9 years ago. It happened when I started researching self-help. Now, I can’t stop thinking about that selfish piece of shit. FML

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By chickfilady - 29/7/2016 03:10

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

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By billiams15 - 6/5/2012 21:57 - United States - Katy

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

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By rach - 19/5/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/4/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By llaurenmariee - 4/8/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

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By Slash - 16/6/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

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By wtf - 14/3/2011 04:07

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my cell phone there and had got a text from a guy saying "Hi, how have you been?" FML

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By thatgirl34 - 9/2/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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By openended - 21/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

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By Ginna - 29/10/2010 18:29 - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmari?as

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

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By Hormones apparently - 8/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

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By spooked - 22/11/2013 06:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2015 04:39 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

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By Smooth - 11/4/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

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Top comments

By DrAwesome | 6

#460836 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:10

Well, at least they were kinky... Otherwise, this would be weird.

By missmeliss0309 | 0

#460676 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:22

how are they a perv? they are required to open the mail...
O_O

COMMENTS

By DemonicAngel151 | 0

#460609 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:07

.

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#460907 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:39

Glammed up euro-wife deep anal penetration - TUBEANALPORN[.]COM

Reply

boysxrulex09 | 0

#460917 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:42

yum? the kinkier, the better

Reply

ReasonsToFly | 0

#461394 - Thursday 6 August 2009 5:51

First time I've seen porn spammed on here.

Reply

kingofstuff | 0

#461688 - Thursday 6 August 2009 8:50

YDI for eating salami out of a bowl.

Reply

Uber_G33k | 0

#468003 - Saturday 8 August 2009 2:48

Umm... what?

Reply

ipwnnoobz | 0

#893641 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:46

epic win if it was an email which is obviously not the case but roflcopter anyway

By Calaura9 | 0

#460634 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:12

You could have taped it closed you perv.

Reply

missmeliss0309 | 0

#460676 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:22

how are they a perv? they are required to open the mail...
O_O

Reply

pipsqueak2099 | 0

#460823 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:04

How does that make him a perv in anyway?

Reply

andie_lala | 0

#460916 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:42

We don't do any shipping out of that office so there was no packing tape available. Believe me, I looked.

Reply

sydharks | 0

#3959998 - Sunday 29 January 2012 5:25

You could have realized it was an accident.

By LewJH | 0

#460641 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:14

I don't really think you should've opened it considering it was intended to be delivered to his home - it might be something, personal.

Reply

Mvibes | 0

#460749 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:39

Cant you read? He said "I didnt notice until i had opened it."

If its got the right name who looks to see if the adress is right?

Reply

andie_lala | 0

#460927 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:44

His home address is only one digit difference from the work address and it was in a stack of work-related boxes from UPS. Super easy to not notice it had been delivered to the wrong place, so lay off. If I'd noticed it was for the other address I wouldn't have opened it.

Reply

kingcaper817 | 14

#6022957 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 2:46

He didn't know that it was supposed to go to his home before he opened it

By inflagranti | 0

#460642 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:14

maybe theres a way you can get something out of this, just sayin'

Reply

ugotmilk | 0

#460997 - Thursday 6 August 2009 3:10

teehee, blackmail him for it, it just might work, if not ouch, besides, maybe you can ask for a 3-way with his wife?

Reply

MyzticHydra | 0

#461843 - Thursday 6 August 2009 9:33

hmm only guys would think like that what if shes straight and doesnt like being bi? unless her boss is one sexy devil then i would understand the threeway other than that i doubt she would try it also you can get sued for blackmail

Reply

dyld921 | 2

#466462 - Friday 7 August 2009 17:07

Her boss is a man.

By pandaloop | 0

#460643 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:14

that sucks-good luck coping with work and seeing him every day now

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#460644 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:15

Another curious case of awkward turtle?

Reply

BussellRishop | 0

#461932 - Thursday 6 August 2009 10:12

"kinky ones" ? as opposed to the normal, boring ones.

By 0connor01 | 0

#460645 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:15

MONKEY SPANKER

By Phillay632 | 0

#460659 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:18

YDI for being a perv.

Reply

wbrycem | 0

#460828 - Thursday 6 August 2009 2:05

How, exactly, is the person who is required to open the mail a perv when he finds sex toys in a box he was supposed to open? Sorry, stupid question

By Kiwi_Splash | 0

#460680 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:24

Interesting indeed.

By M13LO | 0

#460720 - Thursday 6 August 2009 1:32

you know you wanted to use those toys with him