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Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10431) - you deserved it (67150)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

#30360
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (49858)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by a genius (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

#7638250
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10425) - you deserved it (31175)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:08am - misc - by tattooooooface - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML

#3297197
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10422) - you deserved it (48705)

On 06/28/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Soapy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

#247
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10421) - you deserved it (19072)

On 11/07/2008 at 4:02pm - money - by choup - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10416) - you deserved it (145110)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

#18915455
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10412) - you deserved it (20263)

On 01/26/2012 at 11:45am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML

#5617258
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10407) - you deserved it (34749)

On 10/03/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by hahahaha91 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

#18768991
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10407) - you deserved it (32124)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:37pm - money - by Voltron - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

#14584819
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10403) - you deserved it (16971)

On 01/15/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

#20080326
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10400) - you deserved it (2910)

On 09/20/2012 at 2:10am - work - by Albert (man) - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

#1078771
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10399) - you deserved it (49942)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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