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Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

#17383761
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22207) - you deserved it (8919)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by en3rg1zer21 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

#20102886
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22206) - you deserved it (11944)

On 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22203) - you deserved it (57482)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (3556)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22197) - you deserved it (10187)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

#7728542
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22195) - you deserved it (2833)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

#20021274
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22196) - you deserved it (2509)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

#5307387
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (3860)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:15am - work - by Economess (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

#20022416
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (1487)

On 08/15/2012 at 11:15am - misc - by Bree - United States

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

#16332593
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (49609)

On 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm - kids - by StupidApple -

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22192) - you deserved it (2544)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

#8930944
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22187) - you deserved it (4549)

On 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm - money - by yessssir - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML



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