Intimacy, Sex, Frustration and Phobias: In the mood - FML

In the mood

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 08:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Spicy

Today, it's been awhile since I've had decent sex. I was "in the mood" after being sick for two weeks, so I pulled out my little "bedroom friend." Right on the verge of a really big O, I spotted a giant spider about 3 ft over my head, which completely killed my lady boner. Is there a female equivalent of blue balls? FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 172

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Same thing different taste

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Spicy

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 9 163

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 815

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 23 291

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Spicy

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 239

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Spicy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 958

You deserved it 6 908

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 11 869

By anonymous - 24/11/2015 19:38 - Switzerland - Unterageri

Spicy

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 113

You deserved it 3 011

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 5 960

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Top comments

tiptoppc 19

Wednesday 28 August 2024 13:58

Yes. Yes there is. You found it too

Comments

tiptoppc 19

Wednesday 28 August 2024 13:58

Yes. Yes there is. You found it too

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 2 489

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 12 794

Today, I tried to speak to my wife about my feelings for this coming year, family and work. I thought it wouldn't be a problem as I regularly listen and support her with her feelings, emotional issues, anxiety, depression, etc. She shut me down in 30 seconds and said to stop acting like my mother and being so stupid. FML

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You deserved it 118

Today, there's no recovering from this. FML

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You deserved it 321

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

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You deserved it 327

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 820

You deserved it 3 108

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 2 681