Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
Get some effective air spray and keep that in the bathroom. Also insist the ventilation fan is turned on whenever the ass is on the seat… Nobody’s shit smells good - Get over it.
Yudith 28
If apples are the only thing your fiance eats, no wonder he's got the runs. He should try other kinds of healthy food such as homemade barley soup, quinoa, steamed vegetables, steak, baked potatoes with sour cream instead of butter, yogurt, steamed rice, homemade shredded cheese, etc.
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Comments (2)
Chazzster 32
Get some effective air spray and keep that in the bathroom. Also insist the ventilation fan is turned on whenever the ass is on the seat… Nobody’s shit smells good - Get over it.
Yudith 28
If apples are the only thing your fiance eats, no wonder he's got the runs. He should try other kinds of healthy food such as homemade barley soup, quinoa, steamed vegetables, steak, baked potatoes with sour cream instead of butter, yogurt, steamed rice, homemade shredded cheese, etc.